Ostrich Joke . . .
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'' I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.' Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress.
'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
Friday, May 07, 2010
How Adam got Eve
How Adam got Eve
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to.
So God said that He was going to make Adam a companion. and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'
Of course the rest is history......................
Send to all the women who need a good laugh and the men you think can handle it.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'Adam replied that he didn't have anyone to talk to.
So God said that He was going to make Adam a companion. and that it would be a woman.
He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children.
and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.'
Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'
God replied, 'An arm and a leg.'
Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib?'
Of course the rest is history......................
Send to all the women who need a good laugh and the men you think can handle it.
ISRAEL U.N. SPEECH
ISRAEL U.N. SPEECH
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently at the UN, and made the world community smile. A representative from Israel began:
'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them.'
The Palestinian representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about?
The Palestinians weren't there then.'
The Israeli representative smiled and said 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently at the UN, and made the world community smile. A representative from Israel began:
'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them.'
The Palestinian representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about?
The Palestinians weren't there then.'
The Israeli representative smiled and said 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'
Surgeons Preference
Surgeons Preference
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the easiest patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from S'pore, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered'
The second, from Bangkok, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.'
The third surgeon, from Bejing says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon, from Jarkarta , chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts leftover.'
But the fifth surgeon, from KL , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong.
Politicians from Malaysia UMNO are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the arse are interchangeable.'
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the easiest patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from S'pore, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered'
The second, from Bangkok, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.'
The third surgeon, from Bejing says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon, from Jarkarta , chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when you have a few parts leftover.'
But the fifth surgeon, from KL , shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong.
Politicians from Malaysia UMNO are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the arse are interchangeable.'
Why Malaysian Government insists on using English for math and science?
Why Malaysian Government insists on using English for math and science?
This is because the whole world uses the language as an information and/or technology language. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa, especially in school. See example below:-
Hardware = barangkeras
Software = baranglembut
Joystick = batang gembira
Plug and Play = cucuk dan main
Port = lubang
Server = pelayan
Client = pelanggan
Try to translate this:
ENGLISH:
That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.
Now in BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.
Now you know...WHY...
This is because the whole world uses the language as an information and/or technology language. How dangerous it will be if we try to use Bahasa, especially in school. See example below:-
Hardware = barangkeras
Software = baranglembut
Joystick = batang gembira
Plug and Play = cucuk dan main
Port = lubang
Server = pelayan
Client = pelanggan
Try to translate this:
ENGLISH:
That server gives a plug and play service to the client using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client.
Now in BAHASA:
Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu akan dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan.
Now you know...WHY...
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in Britain.
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in Britain.
Banta Singh walks into a bar in London, orders three glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time." Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London. When they left home, we promised that we will drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there. Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order three beers and drink them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only two beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss." Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no," He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is................. "I just quit drinking" !!!
Banta Singh walks into a bar in London, orders three glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time." Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London. When they left home, we promised that we will drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there. Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He'd order three beers and drink them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only two beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss." Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs.... "Oh, no," He said, "Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is................. "I just quit drinking" !!!
ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE
ONLY THE ENGLISH COULD HAVE INVENTED THIS LANGUAGE
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burnsdown,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing,
if Father is Pop,
how come Mother's not Mop?
AND IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS, GERMS
Source uknown
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burnsdown,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing,
if Father is Pop,
how come Mother's not Mop?
AND IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES THEN PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES AND THE GERMANS, GERMS
Source uknown
Religious Husband
Religious Husband
A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH;
HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE THEN CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED'DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?
THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS'.
A HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM CHURCH;
HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HE THEN CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED'DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?
THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS'.
If you have difficulty understanding the current world financial situation, the following should help...
If you have difficulty understanding the current world financial situation, the following should help...
Once upon a time in a village in India, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.'
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
The above from a banker friend....
Once upon a time in a village in India, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts. The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.'
The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! Welcome to WALL STREET.
The above from a banker friend....
What is the hardest thing to break?
What is the hardest thing to break?
Diamonds are hard to find but not hard to break.
What is the hardest thing to break then?
Think...
Think...
Think again...
Think again...
Scroll down for the answer but only after thinking, OK?
Don't give up.
Winners never quit.
Quitters never win.
Answer: You really don't know???
The answer is: HABIT
If you break the H, you still have A BIT.
If you break the A, you still have BIT.
If you break the B, you still have IT!!!
Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the "I".
The person at the end of the day, is the root of all the problems.
Cute???
Now, I know why HABIT is so hard to break.
Its destiny is in its name.
The word itself.
My lecturer taught me never, never, never to ASSUME . Because it makes an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME"...
Diamonds are hard to find but not hard to break.
What is the hardest thing to break then?
Think...
Think...
Think again...
Think again...
Scroll down for the answer but only after thinking, OK?
Don't give up.
Winners never quit.
Quitters never win.
Answer: You really don't know???
The answer is: HABIT
If you break the H, you still have A BIT.
If you break the A, you still have BIT.
If you break the B, you still have IT!!!
Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the "I".
The person at the end of the day, is the root of all the problems.
Cute???
Now, I know why HABIT is so hard to break.
Its destiny is in its name.
The word itself.
My lecturer taught me never, never, never to ASSUME . Because it makes an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME"...
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in MedicalCollege.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
========================================== > >
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'. He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why Âothers running?
===================================================
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Have a good day!
Source unknown
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in MedicalCollege.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
========================================== > >
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'. He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why Âothers running?
===================================================
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
Have a good day!
Source unknown
WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?
WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning
and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven...which
part of your body goes first?'
Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first.'
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your
feet.'
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
'Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Little Johnny said, 'Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night Mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
saying, Oh ! God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have
lost her.'
The Nun fainted.
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning
and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven...which
part of your body goes first?'
Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.'
'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied, 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first.'
'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I think it's your
feet.'
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
'Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?'
Little Johnny said, 'Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night Mummy had her legs straight up in the air and she was
saying, Oh ! God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have
lost her.'
The Nun fainted.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Good one must read
Important Lesson of Life
An elderly man in Kuala Lumpur calls his son in New York and says,
"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Kuala Lumpur immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Hari Raya (muslim xmas) and paying their own airfare!!"
MORAL: No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones or loved ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE. AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM...... Have a great day....Keep smiling.
An elderly man in Kuala Lumpur calls his son in New York and says,
"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Kuala Lumpur immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Hari Raya (muslim xmas) and paying their own airfare!!"
MORAL: No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones or loved ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE. AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM...... Have a great day....Keep smiling.
Striker
Striker
The manager of Liverpool FC sends scouts out round the World lookingfor a new striker to hopefully win Liverpool the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So the manager flies to Iraq to watch him and> is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only twenty minutes left, and Liverpool's manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on.
The lad is a sensation, scores five goals in twenty minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches> are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
'Hi Mum, guess what?' he says. ' I played for twenty minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored five and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me.' ' Great,' says his Mum, ' now let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time.'
The young lad is very upset. ' What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry'. 'Sorry?!?' says his Mum. ' It's your f*cking fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!'
The manager of Liverpool FC sends scouts out round the World lookingfor a new striker to hopefully win Liverpool the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So the manager flies to Iraq to watch him and> is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only twenty minutes left, and Liverpool's manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on.
The lad is a sensation, scores five goals in twenty minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches> are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
'Hi Mum, guess what?' he says. ' I played for twenty minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored five and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me.' ' Great,' says his Mum, ' now let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time.'
The young lad is very upset. ' What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry'. 'Sorry?!?' says his Mum. ' It's your f*cking fault that we moved to Liverpool in the first place!'
Subject: Birthday gift
Subject: Birthday gift
On my 70th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'This is a powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will be longer and harder than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.
I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working?' 'Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the shaman responded. 'But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon. ' I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited Cara to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!' Immediately, I was the manliest of men. Cara was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.
source unknown
On my 70th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, 'This is a powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will be longer and harder than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.
I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, 'How do I stop the medicine from working?' 'Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' the shaman responded. 'But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon. ' I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited Cara to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, '1-2-3!' Immediately, I was the manliest of men. Cara was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then she asked, 'What was the 1-2-3 for?'
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.
source unknown
SMILE AND SMILE - CHILD TALK
SMILE AND SMILE - CHILD TALK
7 reasons not to mess with children. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.' -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
----------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7 reasons not to mess with children. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.' -
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
----------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One Moment listen please
One Moment listen please
The Moment you are in Tension
You will lose your Attention
Then you are in total Confusion
And you will feel Irritation
Then you will spoil personal Relation
Ultimately, you won't get Co - Operation
Then you will make things Complication
Then your blood pressure may raise Caution
And you may have to take Medication
Instead, understand the Situation
And try to think about the Solution
Many problems will be solved by Discussion
This will work out better in your Profession
Don't think it's my free Suggestion
It's only for your Prevention
If you understand my Intention
You will never come again to Tension
- Bill Gates
The Moment you are in Tension
You will lose your Attention
Then you are in total Confusion
And you will feel Irritation
Then you will spoil personal Relation
Ultimately, you won't get Co - Operation
Then you will make things Complication
Then your blood pressure may raise Caution
And you may have to take Medication
Instead, understand the Situation
And try to think about the Solution
Many problems will be solved by Discussion
This will work out better in your Profession
Don't think it's my free Suggestion
It's only for your Prevention
If you understand my Intention
You will never come again to Tension
- Bill Gates
This is a 'BEST JOKE' award winner in UK
This is a 'BEST JOKE' award winner in UK
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. I nstead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says 'You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.'The astonished Chinese man replied 'It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese'. 'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,' replied Spielberg. I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says 'You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.' Shocked, Spielberg replies 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.' The Chinese replies, 'Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same.'
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. I nstead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says 'You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here.'The astonished Chinese man replied 'It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese'. 'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,' replied Spielberg. I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says 'You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.' Shocked, Spielberg replies 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.' The Chinese replies, 'Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same.'
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain
Fun of getting old
An elderly gentleman… had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doc tor said, 'Your hearing is pert. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
---------------------------------------------------
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mea n a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
------------------------------------------------------------
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it ..' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to fet it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three old guys are out walking. The first one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' The second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' The third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
----------------------------------------------------------
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' ' Really,' answered the neighbor. sp;'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty .'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
----------------------------------------------------------------
Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laff !
Source Unknown
---------------------------------------------------
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mea n a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man.. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
------------------------------------------------------------
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it ..' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to fet it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three old guys are out walking. The first one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' The second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' The third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
----------------------------------------------------------
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' ' Really,' answered the neighbor. sp;'What kind is it?' ' Twelve thirty .'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'
--------------------------------------------------------------
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
----------------------------------------------------------------
Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laff !
Source Unknown
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
THE LEGEND OF CIGARETTES
THE LEGEND OF CIGARETTES
>>> I am Peter Stuyvesant.
>>> I have two friends, Benson and Hedges .
>>> I came from the city of Marlboro.
>>> In the Salem high country,
>>> I always carry a Mild Seven .
>>> I rode on a White Horse .
>> Going to Kingsway in Kent.
>>> It was Lucky Strike I fell in love.
>>> With the daughter of Master Duke.
>>> Her name was YSL.
>>> We got married by Perillys , the priest.
>>> We checked in at the house of Dunhill
>>> And booked into room number 555.
>>> I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
>>> I played with her two Matterhorns.
>>> When I poked in my Rothmans King Size,
>>> She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider !!!'
>>> You are riding like a mad Camel.
>>> When I asked her if she is satisfied,
>>> She answer, "I want More !!!!"
Source unknown
>>> I am Peter Stuyvesant.
>>> I have two friends, Benson and Hedges .
>>> I came from the city of Marlboro.
>>> In the Salem high country,
>>> I always carry a Mild Seven .
>>> I rode on a White Horse .
>> Going to Kingsway in Kent.
>>> It was Lucky Strike I fell in love.
>>> With the daughter of Master Duke.
>>> Her name was YSL.
>>> We got married by Perillys , the priest.
>>> We checked in at the house of Dunhill
>>> And booked into room number 555.
>>> I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
>>> I played with her two Matterhorns.
>>> When I poked in my Rothmans King Size,
>>> She cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider !!!'
>>> You are riding like a mad Camel.
>>> When I asked her if she is satisfied,
>>> She answer, "I want More !!!!"
Source unknown
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