The ABCs Of Marketing....
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has across in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand?
This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to
give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you,
especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross.
In fact, they would probably give him more just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to
the other beggar with the cross and said,
"Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
Source: Unknown
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Of Comdoms, sex, marriage and.....
Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...
New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR...... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
Source: Unknown
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...
New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $ex like shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR...... it is SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
Source: Unknown
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Live to be 80 ??
Live to be 80 ??
I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"
He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."
"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"
"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".
"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why would you want to live to 80?
Souece: Unknown
I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"
He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."
"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"
"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".
"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why would you want to live to 80?
Souece: Unknown
THE BEAUTY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE !!!
THE BEAUTY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE !!!
One word or two? From a cheeky friend.
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
Source: Unknown
One word or two? From a cheeky friend.
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
Source: Unknown
Monday, November 09, 2009
4 WIVES.....This is a very Nice One....with a strong message
This email was sent to me by a friend............ 4 wives
This is a very Nice One....with a strong message
This is something to think about: 4 WIVES
Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives.
He loved the 4th wife the most and adored her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.
He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times.
The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her!
*********************************************************************
One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'
Thus, he asked the 4th wife , 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No way!', replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
********************************************
The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the 3rd wife. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!' His heart sank and turned cold.
**********************************************
He then asked the 2nd wife, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?''I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd wife. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' ***********************************************
Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the King said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
*************************************************
In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:
Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth.When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.
Thought for the day:
Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray...
Pass this on to someone you care about - I just did.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Cheers!
This is a very Nice One....with a strong message
This is something to think about: 4 WIVES
Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives.
He loved the 4th wife the most and adored her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best. He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.
He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times.
The King's 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her!
*********************************************************************
One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'
Thus, he asked the 4th wife , 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No way!', replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
********************************************
The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?' 'No!', replied the 3rd wife. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to remarry!' His heart sank and turned cold.
**********************************************
He then asked the 2nd wife, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?''I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd wife. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.' ***********************************************
Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the King said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'
*************************************************
In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:
Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth.When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.
However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.
Thought for the day:
Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray...
Pass this on to someone you care about - I just did.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Cheers!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Love-locked girl chained
Macam macam can happen? What has happen to the world this days? Are humans no different from animals?
==============================
Love-locked girl chained
Monday, 12 October 2009 10:50
KUCHING – It is a treatment that even animal lovers will not give their pets.
A man from Bandar Baru Semariang, near here, was found to have kept his step-daughter in chains to prevent the 20-year-old woman from meeting her boyfriend.
She somehow managed to free herself and has lodged a police report against her captor here on Saturday.
The woman claimed that her mother and stepfather, a foreign national, had taken her away from the boyfriend’s house at Kampung Rampangi in Santubong and forced her to return to their home in Semariang Friday night.
The couple then shackled her legs with chains to prevent her from leaving the house. The stepfather secured the chains with a padlock.
Freed herself from the clutches
However, the young woman was able to free herself and sneaked out of the house. She then hitched a ride with a motorcyclist, who took her to the boyfriend’s house.
Her 21-year-old boyfriend, a construction worker, then accompanied her to lodge a police report.
The pair had been living together for about a year and were planning to get married.
“I could not believe that her stepfather could resort to such an act, as only animals are chained up,” the boyfriend told reporters.
He said the stepfather had objected to his relationship with his stepdaughter and claimed that the man had assaulted them before.
==============================
Love-locked girl chained
Monday, 12 October 2009 10:50
KUCHING – It is a treatment that even animal lovers will not give their pets.
A man from Bandar Baru Semariang, near here, was found to have kept his step-daughter in chains to prevent the 20-year-old woman from meeting her boyfriend.
She somehow managed to free herself and has lodged a police report against her captor here on Saturday.
The woman claimed that her mother and stepfather, a foreign national, had taken her away from the boyfriend’s house at Kampung Rampangi in Santubong and forced her to return to their home in Semariang Friday night.
The couple then shackled her legs with chains to prevent her from leaving the house. The stepfather secured the chains with a padlock.
Freed herself from the clutches
However, the young woman was able to free herself and sneaked out of the house. She then hitched a ride with a motorcyclist, who took her to the boyfriend’s house.
Her 21-year-old boyfriend, a construction worker, then accompanied her to lodge a police report.
The pair had been living together for about a year and were planning to get married.
“I could not believe that her stepfather could resort to such an act, as only animals are chained up,” the boyfriend told reporters.
He said the stepfather had objected to his relationship with his stepdaughter and claimed that the man had assaulted them before.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Form Two student addicted to sex after rape
What is happening to our society these days? Sad isn't it?????? Will expelling the girl from school help her?
===============thestar=========
Form Two student addicted to sex after rape
A FORM Two student claimed that she became addicted to sex after being raped by a 40-year-old man.
The girl, who only wanted to be known as Roslina, related to Metro Ahad that since the incident, she would have sex with up to eight partners at the same time in the storeroom of her school.
She said she lost her self-esteem after being raped by the man, who was never arrested despite a police report being lodged against him by her family.
“I skipped school, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and got more and more into sex,” she said in between tears.
She said she became addicted to sex, hence her penchant for having multiple partners at the same time.
According to her, this went on for four months before the school authorities expelled her and the other students who were caught in the act.
===============thestar=========
Form Two student addicted to sex after rape
A FORM Two student claimed that she became addicted to sex after being raped by a 40-year-old man.
The girl, who only wanted to be known as Roslina, related to Metro Ahad that since the incident, she would have sex with up to eight partners at the same time in the storeroom of her school.
She said she lost her self-esteem after being raped by the man, who was never arrested despite a police report being lodged against him by her family.
“I skipped school, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol, and got more and more into sex,” she said in between tears.
She said she became addicted to sex, hence her penchant for having multiple partners at the same time.
According to her, this went on for four months before the school authorities expelled her and the other students who were caught in the act.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Man gets1,000 lashes for boasting about sex
Ha ha ha see who got the last laugh. Some man just their brains between the balls.
==============MalaysianMirror======================
Man gets1,000 lashes for boasting about sex
Sunday, 11 October 2009 13:24
JEDDAH - A Saudi court has sentenced a man to five years in jail and 1,000 lashes for boasting about his sexual exploits on television, in a case that has divided public opinion in the conservative Islamic kingdom.
Abdul-Jawad, a divorced father of four, was arrested in August after discussing his premarital sexual encounters, showing off his pick-up techniques and displaying some sex toys and lubricants on a Lebanese TV program.
His comments caused a public outcry in Saudi Arabia, where the religious elite has vast powers over society and religious police enforce the segregation of men and women in public.
Friends also punished
King Abdullah has begun to reform education and the judiciary in recent years, partly to discourage Islamic militancy. But he faces resistance from clerics and conservative princes and analysts say the case gives fresh momentum to some clerics' calls for strict curbs on social freedoms.
Three of Abdul-Jawad's friends who appeared on the Lebanese Broadcasting Corporation (LBC) were sentenced to two years in jail and 300 lashes each.
LBC is a popular channel in Saudi Arabia, one of the world's most conservative societies, and many Saudis tune into its Western-style entertainment programs and talk shows.
Used his cellphone to pick up girls
Abdul-Jawad, 32, spoke from his bedroom on an episode of "In Bold Red." He was shown driving his red convertible to a shopping mall where he said he used his mobile phone to pick up girls.
A court official said that, on top of the lashings and jail sentence, Abdul-Jawad's phone and car would be confiscated and he would be banned from traveling after completing his term.
"Dont push! Don't push," a distressed Abdul-Jawad yelled as he struggled in the grasp of two policemen escorting him out of the judge's office in Jeddah Wednesday.
Could have been given death penalty
Lawyers say Abdul-Jawad could have been given the death penalty. Judges, who are clerics of Saudi Arabia's strict Wahhabi school of Islam, have wide powers of discretion.
Abdul-Jawad's brother said it would be difficult for him to be accepted back into society.
"Now he has been fired from his job and after his jail term it won't be possible for him to get a job in government or the private sector because he was charged with a case of moral indecency," said the brother, who asked not to be named
==============MalaysianMirror======================
Man gets1,000 lashes for boasting about sex
Sunday, 11 October 2009 13:24
JEDDAH - A Saudi court has sentenced a man to five years in jail and 1,000 lashes for boasting about his sexual exploits on television, in a case that has divided public opinion in the conservative Islamic kingdom.
Abdul-Jawad, a divorced father of four, was arrested in August after discussing his premarital sexual encounters, showing off his pick-up techniques and displaying some sex toys and lubricants on a Lebanese TV program.
His comments caused a public outcry in Saudi Arabia, where the religious elite has vast powers over society and religious police enforce the segregation of men and women in public.
Friends also punished
King Abdullah has begun to reform education and the judiciary in recent years, partly to discourage Islamic militancy. But he faces resistance from clerics and conservative princes and analysts say the case gives fresh momentum to some clerics' calls for strict curbs on social freedoms.
Three of Abdul-Jawad's friends who appeared on the Lebanese Broadcasting Corporation (LBC) were sentenced to two years in jail and 300 lashes each.
LBC is a popular channel in Saudi Arabia, one of the world's most conservative societies, and many Saudis tune into its Western-style entertainment programs and talk shows.
Used his cellphone to pick up girls
Abdul-Jawad, 32, spoke from his bedroom on an episode of "In Bold Red." He was shown driving his red convertible to a shopping mall where he said he used his mobile phone to pick up girls.
A court official said that, on top of the lashings and jail sentence, Abdul-Jawad's phone and car would be confiscated and he would be banned from traveling after completing his term.
"Dont push! Don't push," a distressed Abdul-Jawad yelled as he struggled in the grasp of two policemen escorting him out of the judge's office in Jeddah Wednesday.
Could have been given death penalty
Lawyers say Abdul-Jawad could have been given the death penalty. Judges, who are clerics of Saudi Arabia's strict Wahhabi school of Islam, have wide powers of discretion.
Abdul-Jawad's brother said it would be difficult for him to be accepted back into society.
"Now he has been fired from his job and after his jail term it won't be possible for him to get a job in government or the private sector because he was charged with a case of moral indecency," said the brother, who asked not to be named
Monday, August 10, 2009
Careful what you tell your foreign staff
Careful what you tell your foreign staff
To:
The best adult jokes contest 2009 through cellphone texts/smses in U.S.A.
Grand Prize USD50,000.00
Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."
First Prize USD25,000.00
Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later, immigrant worker shows up at work:
"Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."
9 Consolation Prizes USD10,000.00 each
1.After sex, a newly-wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
Husband asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."
2. Women's lives are hard.
Morning, wash clothes.
Noon, hang clothes.
Evening, keep clothes.
Nite, iron clothes.
Midnight, take off clothes.
After midnight, find clothes.
3. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?"
All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?"
All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?"
All nuns rose.
4. A Sad story
A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said,
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."
5. Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one."
Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"
6. A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."
7. Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."
8. Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."
9. Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.
To:
The best adult jokes contest 2009 through cellphone texts/smses in U.S.A.
Grand Prize USD50,000.00
Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom asked "How do you know dear?"
Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."
First Prize USD25,000.00
Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."
Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."
2 hours later, immigrant worker shows up at work:
"Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."
9 Consolation Prizes USD10,000.00 each
1.After sex, a newly-wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
Husband asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."
2. Women's lives are hard.
Morning, wash clothes.
Noon, hang clothes.
Evening, keep clothes.
Nite, iron clothes.
Midnight, take off clothes.
After midnight, find clothes.
3. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass:
"Anyone got a cock?"
All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?"
All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?"
All nuns rose.
4. A Sad story
A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said,
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."
5. Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one."
Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"
6. A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."
7. Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."
8. Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."
9. Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation..
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation..
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
THE BROTHEL...
THE BROTHEL...
The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.."I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam..
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left..
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.. There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, "Edinburgh.""Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.."I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam..
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left..
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.. There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, "Edinburgh.""Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
BAD THOUGHTS MAKE A BAD BOY..
BAD THOUGHTS MAKE A BAD BOY..
Holy crap…funny stuff!!! Too many favorites…
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing........
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
Holy crap…funny stuff!!! Too many favorites…
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing........
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
Indian goes shopping...
Indian goes shopping...
An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious.. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the F*** is this? Is this shit you Idiot? The Indian calmly replies, “Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper.”
An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious.. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the F*** is this? Is this shit you Idiot? The Indian calmly replies, “Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper.”
History of the Middle Finger
History of the Middle Finger
Well, now......here's something I never knew before and now that I knowit, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in thehope that they, too, will feel edified.
Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers.
Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!
It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTETO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
Well, now......here's something I never knew before and now that I knowit, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in thehope that they, too, will feel edified.
Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers.
Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!
It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTETO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
Choosing a wife
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover.. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the £5,000. She gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover.. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the £5,000. She gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Why why why
I used to live in Taman Tun Dr Ismail some 8 years ago. Very quite and safe place so I thought. I thought that it is a safe place and with the fence around us it would be safe to leave the grill and door open. My wife used to grumble and ask me to lock the grill when in the house. Being stubborn just refused to listen and told her off that it was inconvinent to get in and out of the house and TTDI is very safelah.
One day during the Deepavali Holiday about 7.00 pm, three Chinese men climbed over the fence and robbed us with parang. Just imagine the tremor of all those in the house had gone through. ie me, my wife. my one year old son, the maid and my two brother in laws.
The robbers pushed all in the middle room and tied us all up. Luckly preading, they did not tied up my wife as she said that she had to take care on my son.
They ransacked the whole house and even asked for the pin code of all my ATM card. Later one of the robbers went out to the bank and withdrew the cash with two other guarding.
They managed to get about RM10k. They spent about 2 hours and warned not to call the police only after half an hour.
Do you all think that TTDI is as 'safe' as 8 years ago?
I only wanted to be convinent to come in and out of the house and looks like it is also convinent for the robbers too.
I have learned the hard way and luckly nothing happened to all of us at that time.
It is better be like a trapped bird rather than the 'bird' being eaten by the 'cat'.
Do your part contribute a little for the safety of the neighbourhood.
IT IS BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.
------------------------------------------------
Like a bird trapped in a cage
I AM writing this to express my displeasure over the recent happenings at my residence of 20 years.
I am a resident of Jalan Datuk Sulaiman Phase 5C in Taman Tun Dr Ismail, Kuala Lumpur. My family and I moved in when the house was ready for occupation in 1989.
Since July 1, the whole row of houses in Jalan Datuk Sulaiman Phase 5C and Phase 5A have been cordoned off by security guards.
This was initiated by a few residents who were robbed of their cars and threatened at knife-point prior to this. They managed to garner the support of most residents along the road to have the service.
Not only did they put blocks at both ends of the road, they also put up gates at three passage points linking us to the next row of houses in Jalan Datuk Sulaiman 3.
By doing so, they have effectively reduced the freedom of movement along this road not only for me and my family but also for those who did not sign up for the service. Unfortunately, this constitutes a small minority (only about five houses but we are the pioneer residents along the road).
Now every time I want to enter or exit my home, I have to get the permission of these guards. The residents who signed up for the service were given car stickers (which gave them instant access) and those without the stickers are stopped and queried. This makes it very difficult for my visitors and regular vendors.
I used to enjoy walks around the whole of Jalan Datuk Sulaiman area but it seems this is not possible any longer. Do these people have the right to cut off access to the paths linking to other roads? Now, I feel like a bird living in a cage.
I would like to know if Kuala Lumpur City Hall has rules about converting residences to a gated community by a majority vote among residents. Remove the gates and replace them with CCTVs if security is an issue.
Having stayed in the same house for two decades, this recent turn of events is something hard to swallow.
LONG-TIME RESIDENT, Taman Tun Dr Ismail
One day during the Deepavali Holiday about 7.00 pm, three Chinese men climbed over the fence and robbed us with parang. Just imagine the tremor of all those in the house had gone through. ie me, my wife. my one year old son, the maid and my two brother in laws.
The robbers pushed all in the middle room and tied us all up. Luckly preading, they did not tied up my wife as she said that she had to take care on my son.
They ransacked the whole house and even asked for the pin code of all my ATM card. Later one of the robbers went out to the bank and withdrew the cash with two other guarding.
They managed to get about RM10k. They spent about 2 hours and warned not to call the police only after half an hour.
Do you all think that TTDI is as 'safe' as 8 years ago?
I only wanted to be convinent to come in and out of the house and looks like it is also convinent for the robbers too.
I have learned the hard way and luckly nothing happened to all of us at that time.
It is better be like a trapped bird rather than the 'bird' being eaten by the 'cat'.
Do your part contribute a little for the safety of the neighbourhood.
IT IS BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.
------------------------------------------------
Like a bird trapped in a cage
I AM writing this to express my displeasure over the recent happenings at my residence of 20 years.
I am a resident of Jalan Datuk Sulaiman Phase 5C in Taman Tun Dr Ismail, Kuala Lumpur. My family and I moved in when the house was ready for occupation in 1989.
Since July 1, the whole row of houses in Jalan Datuk Sulaiman Phase 5C and Phase 5A have been cordoned off by security guards.
This was initiated by a few residents who were robbed of their cars and threatened at knife-point prior to this. They managed to garner the support of most residents along the road to have the service.
Not only did they put blocks at both ends of the road, they also put up gates at three passage points linking us to the next row of houses in Jalan Datuk Sulaiman 3.
By doing so, they have effectively reduced the freedom of movement along this road not only for me and my family but also for those who did not sign up for the service. Unfortunately, this constitutes a small minority (only about five houses but we are the pioneer residents along the road).
Now every time I want to enter or exit my home, I have to get the permission of these guards. The residents who signed up for the service were given car stickers (which gave them instant access) and those without the stickers are stopped and queried. This makes it very difficult for my visitors and regular vendors.
I used to enjoy walks around the whole of Jalan Datuk Sulaiman area but it seems this is not possible any longer. Do these people have the right to cut off access to the paths linking to other roads? Now, I feel like a bird living in a cage.
I would like to know if Kuala Lumpur City Hall has rules about converting residences to a gated community by a majority vote among residents. Remove the gates and replace them with CCTVs if security is an issue.
Having stayed in the same house for two decades, this recent turn of events is something hard to swallow.
LONG-TIME RESIDENT, Taman Tun Dr Ismail
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Cowboy: Hi what's your name?
Cowboy: Hi what's your name?
Girl: My name is Carol, my friends call me Carmen.
Cowboy:?????
Girl: I just love car & men and the name just stuck.
Cowboy: By the way, my friends call me Beerfuck.
Girl: My name is Carol, my friends call me Carmen.
Cowboy:?????
Girl: I just love car & men and the name just stuck.
Cowboy: By the way, my friends call me Beerfuck.
Story: A Cowboy & A Lesbian
Story: A Cowboy & A Lesbian
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?
'He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.
'She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.A little while later, another man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?
'He replied.....'I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS, BUT I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I'M A LESBIAN'.
*****************Story by Jefus*******************
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?
'He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.
'She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.A little while later, another man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?
'He replied.....'I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS, BUT I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I'M A LESBIAN'.
*****************Story by Jefus*******************
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