Singapore Airlines .......joke of the day
Once upon a time in Singapore , there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Ng with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.
The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.Years passed, and it was time to get them married.
So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais" (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.
As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......"
Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied.
Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use codes to describe your experiences".
So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed.
Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter.
It was from Elaine.They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement."Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY" Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE".So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad."Ah! here it is."NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.
Another week passed.A month passed. And another.There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.
Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out.The code-name was " SINGAPORE AIRLINES".
Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically."Ah! Here it is!"Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair. The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, NON-STOP".
Showing posts with label fuck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fuck. Show all posts
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
The BENEFITS of SEX
The BENEFITS of SEX
Did you know that we can determine if a person is sexually active or not by looking at her skin ?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests have shown that a woman who has sexual relations produces big amounts of estrogen which makes hair shiny and soft.
2. To make love in soft and relaxed way reduces the possibilities of suffering from dermatitis and acne. The sweat produced cleans pores and makes the skin shine.
3. To make love allows to burn all the calories accumulate is this romantic love scene.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports. It strengthens and tonifies all body muscles. It is more enjoyabel than doing 20 lapses in the pool. And you don't need special shoes !
5. Sex is an instantaneous cure against depression. It frees endorphines in the blood flow, creating a state of euphoria and leaves us with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more we make love, the more we have the capacity to do more. A body sexually active releases a higher amount of pheromone. This subtle aroma excites the opposite sex !
7. Sex is the safest tranquiliser in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFICIENT THAN VALIUM.
8. To kiss everyday allows to avoid the dentist. Kisses aid saliva in cleaning teeths and lower the quantity of acids causing enamel weakening.
9. Sex relieves headaches. Each time we make love, it releases the tension in brain veins.
10. To make love a lot can heal a nasal congestion. Sex is a natural antihistaminic. It helps fight asthma and spring allergies.
Source unknown
Did you know that we can determine if a person is sexually active or not by looking at her skin ?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests have shown that a woman who has sexual relations produces big amounts of estrogen which makes hair shiny and soft.
2. To make love in soft and relaxed way reduces the possibilities of suffering from dermatitis and acne. The sweat produced cleans pores and makes the skin shine.
3. To make love allows to burn all the calories accumulate is this romantic love scene.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports. It strengthens and tonifies all body muscles. It is more enjoyabel than doing 20 lapses in the pool. And you don't need special shoes !
5. Sex is an instantaneous cure against depression. It frees endorphines in the blood flow, creating a state of euphoria and leaves us with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more we make love, the more we have the capacity to do more. A body sexually active releases a higher amount of pheromone. This subtle aroma excites the opposite sex !
7. Sex is the safest tranquiliser in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFICIENT THAN VALIUM.
8. To kiss everyday allows to avoid the dentist. Kisses aid saliva in cleaning teeths and lower the quantity of acids causing enamel weakening.
9. Sex relieves headaches. Each time we make love, it releases the tension in brain veins.
10. To make love a lot can heal a nasal congestion. Sex is a natural antihistaminic. It helps fight asthma and spring allergies.
Source unknown
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
jokes
A business man was getting ready to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so hethought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "
Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer.
You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The rest is history.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so hethought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation.
The old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied except---" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "
Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis."
"So what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big damn deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo Penis, the door."
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiet once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!" The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.
After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, "I haven't had anything to drink, officer.
You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!"
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, "Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The rest is history.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Some thing juicy and different.....
Ha ha ha Sex sold in food court........ How do they do it? A blowjob on the table or sex on the chair????? Not exactlylah. The women are convassing for customers for sex in the food court area only.ha ha ha ha......Not opening a stall and providing sex.
Sex sold at food court
Compiled by BEH YUEN HUI, IZATUN SHARI and A. RAMAN
FOREIGN women have been using food courts in Jalan Gelang, off Jalan Loke Yew, in Kuala Lumpur to solicit for sex.
A Sin Chew Daily special investigative team discovered that the women also walk the streets to look for potential customers.
The women bring their customers to nearby flats to have sex.
Each “session” costs customers between RM100 and RM150, regardless of the woman’s age, the daily reported.
According to a resident at the flat, the women begin their “business” from noon to 6am every day.
Most of the women seen during the day were middle-aged while the young ones appeared at night.
The resident alleged that a group of men, believed to be plainclothes policemen, would raid the streets several times a month and round up the foreigners.
“But the women always return after a few days,” he said.
Sex sold at food court
Compiled by BEH YUEN HUI, IZATUN SHARI and A. RAMAN
FOREIGN women have been using food courts in Jalan Gelang, off Jalan Loke Yew, in Kuala Lumpur to solicit for sex.
A Sin Chew Daily special investigative team discovered that the women also walk the streets to look for potential customers.
The women bring their customers to nearby flats to have sex.
Each “session” costs customers between RM100 and RM150, regardless of the woman’s age, the daily reported.
According to a resident at the flat, the women begin their “business” from noon to 6am every day.
Most of the women seen during the day were middle-aged while the young ones appeared at night.
The resident alleged that a group of men, believed to be plainclothes policemen, would raid the streets several times a month and round up the foreigners.
“But the women always return after a few days,” he said.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other
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