Adult Jokes

Adult Jokes

A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce..
She answered, "Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian and yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth."

Woman: "Doc, an ant entered my vagina, can you please take it out".
Doctor removes her panties and start making love.
Woman: "What are you doing?" Doctor: "This is the only way to drown the bastard!"

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Answer: Your SALARY. It comes once a month last 3 - 4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!

A lady visited her doctor again, Dr. said: U look more sick & exhausted then before.
Are u having 3 meals a day as I advised?
Lady: WHAT? I thought U said 3 MALES a day!!!!

Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty.
GOD Said "No way; Now As It Is, The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It.
If I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!

A nun went 4 a urine test.
The sample got mixed up.
When the doctor told her she was pregnant.
She cried n said, "Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore.!"

A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl & asked " Do U have this? "
The girl lifted up her skirt & said, "
My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!"

Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION".
Class Teacher: " Why not?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!"

Mother asks daughter, how is married life? Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS. Mother reads the advertisement & is shocked. It says " 7 DAYS A WEEK,TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS!

What is the STRONGEST muscle?
TONGUE - It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick!. The lightest muscle?
PENIS! It can be raised by a woman's tongue!

Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: Name? Park Yu..
The 0fficer become angry & shouted back: FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name?
Korean replied: PARK YU TOO!!

Man to wife: Business is bad, if u learn how to cook we can remove servant.
Wife: ASSHOLE! If u learn how to fuck, we can remove driver, gardener & watchman...

COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party.
BALLS said: You big fucking liar.
You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE!

A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like?
Mama dog reply: How I know. Your papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face" !

What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, PANIC is when both are pregnant!