Jokes

The best adult jokes contest 2009 through cellphone texts/smses in U.S.A..

Grand Prize USD50,000.00

Newly wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.Mom asked "How do you know dear?"Girl replied "Last night, when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover."

First Prize USD25,000.00Immigrant Worker: "Sir, me no come to work, me sick."Boss: " When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it."2 hours later, immigrant worker shows up at work:"Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house."

9 Consolation Prizes USD10,000.00 each

1. After sex, a newly-wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock.
Husband asked: "Why? Want to have sex again?"
Wife replied: "No dear, I just admiring your cock. I used to have one before."

2. Women's lives are hard.
Morning, wash clothes.
Noon, hang clothes.
Evening, keep clothes.
Nite, iron clothes.
Midnight, take off clothes.
After midnight, find clothes.

3. Priest lost his chicken and asked during mass: "Anyone got a cock?"
All men rose.
"I meant anyone seen a cock?"
All women rose.
"I mean anyone seen my cock?"
All nuns rose.

4. A Sad story
A woman's husband died and she had him cremated.
She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said,
"Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you."

5. Girl: "Mom what is a penis?"
Mom: "When you become a good girl, you will get one."
Girl: "But mom, what if I am not a good girl?"
Mom: "Then you will get many, dear!"

6. A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary:
"If I give you USD3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?"
Secretary: "Everything sir! Dress, Bra, Panties, Everything."

7. Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

8. Two sperms talking on mobile phone.
Ist: "I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close-by?"
2nd: "No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils."

9. Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a penis.
This is because it can be lifted up even by just a simple thought.

Source unknown as sent by email by a friend