Beautiful

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just fucking beautiful!

Birds and Bees

Little Johnny's father came to him one day and said, "It's time we had a talk about the birds and the bees."

Little Johnny replied, "Oh no! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus then to tell me there's no Easter Bunny. If you're going to tell me there's no such thing as sex, I'll have nothing to live for!"

Bondage Magazine

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"

Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think we should spank him."

RM14.5b gold yacht story is a hoax

July 27, 2011

KUALA LUMPUR, July 27 — Baia Yachts of Italy said yesterday that reports of the existence of a 100-foot bespoke yacht purportedly composed almost entirely of gold, platinum and diamonds are false.

The UK’s Daily Mail ran a story on June 20 claiming an anonymous Malaysian businessman had spent GBP3 billion (RM14.5 billion) on the construction of a superyacht called History Supreme out of 100 tonnes of precious metals — with a genuine T. rex dinosaur bone thrown in for good measure.

The Sun, on the other hand, said the yacht had been commissioned in Italy and completed in Malaysia two weeks ago.

In a report on its website, Motorboat & Yachting quoted Mario Borselli, a sales manager at Baia, as saying that the tabloids had taken pictures from their official website without permission.

He carried on to deride the story as “so stupid” that the company wasn’t considering pursuing any legal action.

“Who would believe that a boat would have 100 tonnes of gold on board?” Borselli was quoted by the website as saying.

Motorboat & Yachting also said extensive calls to Stuart Hughes, the Liverpool-based jeweller who claimed to have customised the vessel, have gone unanswered.

Boys vs Girls

One day Little Johnny came home from school with a note pinned to his shirt.

The note read: Dear parent, apparently Little Johnny has been having some trouble with telling the difference between girls and boys. Please sit down with him and explain this. Signed, Little Johnny's teacher.

After reading the note Little Johnny's mom took him into her room and shut the door. "Okay Little Johnny," his mother said. "First take off my high heels. Then take off my panty hose. Then take off my dress. Now take off my bra and panties.

NOW NEVER WEAR MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL AGAIN!

Candy Bars

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"

Can I?

Little Johnny sees his grandfather smoking and asks if can he try. The old man says "can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" "No" says Johnny. "Then you can't have one" says his grandad.

Then the old geezer is drinking alcohol. Johnny asks can he have some. But he can't as he couldn't touch his ass with his dick yet. Later Johnny is eating cookies and his grandfather asks can he have some. Johnny asks,"Can you touch your ass with your dick yet?" Why of course I can replies the grandfather. Johnny quickly replied "THEN GO F**K YOURSELF!"

Catholic School

Little Johnny was failing his classes so his mom decided to put him in a Catholic
school. About a month later when Little Johnny's mom recieved his report card he got all A's and B's.

Astonished, Little Johnny's mom asked him "How did you get all these good grades?" Little Johnny replied "Well, when I saw the man hanging from the cross I knew they meant business!"

Christmas Morning

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage. When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"Johnny replied,"I think I got a dog but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"

Courting

Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys and he wondered what it was like and how it was done. One day he took this question to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, his mother told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.

The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile then he turned off most of the lights. He then started hugging and kissing her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor would do. He was not as smart as a doctor because he seemed to be having trouble finding it. "I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it in her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and groan and squirm around and slide down towards the end of the couch. This is when the fever started. "I knew it was the fever because Sis said she felt real hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. "When Sis saw it, she got real scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and started calling to God and stuff. She said it was the biggest one she ever saw...... I should have told her about the one down at the lake. "Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while her boyfriend took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel`s head to keep it from biting again. "Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess he wanted to kill it by squeezing it between them. "After a while they both quit moving and a great sigh came forth. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, the eel was dead. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp with some of its insides hanging out. "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went on courting anyways. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly the eel wasn`t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats with 9-lives. "This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After 35 minutes of struggling, they finally killed it. I knew it was dead because I saw Sis`s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet..."

Ding Dong

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices our Little Johnny trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, Little Johnny is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching Little Johnny's efforts for some time, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which Little Johnny replies, "Now we run!"

Who is the owner of the RM14.5 billion yacht?

Ha ha ha ha ha ..........

The businessman in Bolehland must be really rich. Or politician?????

Ha ha ha ha ha ......

You must be damn filty, filty rich to buy this yacht.

If you do not have RM100 or 200 billion, will you spend RM14.5 billion just on a yacht?

The richest man in Malaysia is worth US$ 14.5 billion or RM43.5 billion.

Will he spend about one third of his fortune on a yacht?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ......

You can see some of the photo of the yacht here, here and here

-------------------------------------
M’sian said to be owner of world’s most expensive luxury vessel – at RM14.5bil

PETALING JAYA: While newspapers in Britain were abuzz with reports that the owner of the world's most expensive luxury yacht is a Malaysian, no one can confirm it.

British daily The Sun reported that the 31m History Supreme is owned by a Malaysian businessman who paid 3bil (RM14.5bil) for it.

To put things in perspective, this figure is close to the estimated cost of the country's first mass rapid transit (MRT) system, which has a price tag of RM20bil.

Comparatively, the world's biggest private yacht, the 164m Eclipse owned by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich costs only RM3.65bil.

The Sun also reported that the History Supreme is made out of 100 tonnes of gold and platinum, which cover more than half its surface, and the base of the vessel is wrapped in gold.

The daily said the yacht's features, including the deck, dining area, rails and anchor, are all made from precious metals.

Below deck, things become even more exotic, featuring meteoric stone and a T-Rex dinosaur bone in the sleeping quarters.

The boat was built in Italy but was completed in Malaysia two weeks ago.

According to the newspaper, the businessman had approached Liverpool jeweller Stuart Hughes for this unique project.

The businessman had even asked Hughes if he could customise an aeroplane.

Hughes, who is famous for creating exclusive, gold-plated and jewel-encrusted luxury items ranging from mobile phones to aquariums, took three years to build the yacht.

“It was pretty much a case of can you make this gold, can you make that gold? We just did what we were told and are delighted with the results,” Hughes was quoted as saying.

The yacht is believed to be based on Italian yacht-maker Baia's latest One Hundred model, which costs at least RM30mil.

Facial Cream

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Famous Quotes

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class.

She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with, "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home." The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."

Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy." "Very good," says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnnie said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnnie instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday.

Fascinate

A teacher asked her students to use the word FASCINATE in a sentence.

Marta said, My family went to the Louisville Zoo, and it was fascinating to see all the animals.

The teacher said, That was good, but I wanted the word FASCINATE.

Sarita raised her hand.

She said, My family went to the Cincinnati Zoo and I was fascinated by the animals.

That's good, too, said the teacher, but I wanted the word FASCINATE.

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language, but surely he couldn't damage the word fascinate, so she called on him.

Johnny said proudly, My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!

Fun Game

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Face of an genius???

-----------------------------------

Survey to find out whether protesters were paid
Jul 16, 11 6:53pm

Information, Communication and Culture Ministry is conducting a survey to find out the motive of people who took part in the illegal rally on July 9.

The minister, Rais Yatim, said today the survey by the information and special affairs departments would also ask them about the money paid to them to attend the rally.

He said the ministry hoped to get about 2,000 samples, from which a pattern might be detected.

"This is because we do not want to lose in terms of our struggle and the 1Malaysian concept is really something which every individual must value and accept because it has the noble intention of uniting the people," he told reporters after attending a programme to popularise culture among the people organised by the Ampang Jaya Residents Association.

Also present were his wife, Masnah Rais, and Ampang Umno division head Ismail Kijo.

Rais said the survey was important because the Malays were attracted to political issues and could be persuaded to take part in roadside politics without knowing what was involved or why they were participating.

"For example, on July 9 so many of those who were involved did not know why they were in Kuala Lumpur... they said they were given a little bit of remuneration.

“When asked why they came, they said 'there were many friends so we came along, we got some payment, so we took part'," he said.

Rally undermines 1Malaysia

Earlier in his speech, Rais said the illegal gathering was inspired by people who did not want to see the success of the 1Malaysia society which they considered a threat to their politics.

Rais said that as someone with a long history of struggle in politics, he did want to see Malays fighting one another while others clapped their hands.

The one-day programme involving various races included an aerobic exercise, a friendly run, group sport contests and health check-ups.

- Bernama

Gambler

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.

After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling". The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."

"DAMN!" said the father.
"What's wrong?", the teacher asked.

Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"

Gift for the Teacher

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

Goldfish

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?"

"My goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your friggin cat."

Good Tipper

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when Little Johnny delivered his pizza.

"Well," Little Johnny replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," Little Johnny said, "I'll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?" asked the man.
"Applied psychology," replied Little Johnny.

Hiking

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike. "Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.

"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."

"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."

"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.

"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot"

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

Needs

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man! "Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

New Teacher

A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,"What's so funny Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

New Trainset

Johnny loved his new trainset. His mother could leave him for hours at a time while she did things around the house without him to bother her.

One day, while she was cooking dinner, she over heard Johnny. Everytime the train would pass the station, she would hear him say "All those that want to get off, get the fuck off, All of you that want to get on, get the fuck on."

Highly disturbed by this, she raced into the room where Johnny was playing. "Young man", she said "march up to your room and think about what I've told you about that kind of language."

So up to his room he goes.

Two hours later, he comes back down and sits down by his trainset. The train goes around a couple of times and he proceedes to say "All those who want to get off, get the fuck off, all those who want to get on, get the fuck on, all those who are pissed off about the two hour delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen.

New Watch

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they 'doing the nasty'.

Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents' room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and keep quiet, then."

Nice Bycycle

A little boy was riding his bicycle to school when a policeman stopped him.

"That's a nice bicycle you've got there," said the policeman. "Did Santa give it to you?"

"Yes," replied the little boy.

"Next time, could you ask Santa to put a red reflector on the back, because I'm going to give you a ticket."

The little looked at the policeman's horse, and said:

"Nice horse, did Santa give it to you?"

The policeman laughed, and said:

"Yes."

"Then next time could you ask him to put the dick UNDER the horse instead of ON it."

Nice Catch

Johnny and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch. Johnny gets up and goes to the shed in the back yard and takes out some chicken wire. Grandpa says what are you going to do with that? Johnny says, gonna catch me some chickens. It dont work like that grandpa says. Just watch me replies Johnny.

An hour later Johnny returns with two chickens one in each hand. Holy shit thought grandpa, Johnny went back to the shed. This time he has some duck tape. Again granpa asks, What are going to do with that. Johnny says; gonna catch me some ducks. It dont work like that grandpa says. Watch me said Johnny.

An hour later here came Johnny with two ducks one in each hand. Holy shit grandpa thought again. Johnny went back to the shed, this time he had a stick. Grandpa asks whatcha gonna do with that? Johnny says some pussywillow. Grandpa says, let me go get my coat!

Parent’s Bedroom

Little Johnny wakes up several nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parent's room.

Finally, one morning he says to his mom, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you`re bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh...well...ah...well, I`m bouncing on his stomach because he`s fat and that makes him thin again." The boy responds, "That won`t work!" His mom says, "Why not?" The boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work each day and blows him back up!

Passed Away

Little Johnny went out into the garden and saw her cat Snuggles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. He fetched his Dad to look at Snuggles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Snuggles is dead, Johnny."

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Little Johnny as he fought back tears.

At a loss for words the father replied, "Snuggles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Snuggles right up to heaven."

Little Johnny seemed to take his Snuggles' death quite well upon hearing what his father said. However, two days later when his father came home from work, Johnny had tears in his eyes once more and said: "Mommy almost died this morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook his son and shouted, "How do you mean Johnny? Tell Daddy!"

"Well", mumbled Johnny, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".

Yahoo paying out USD$2 million as prize money?

Ha ha ha ha ..........

This is obviously a con job.

Yahoo Mail Inc using other company's email?

Is this possible?

Ha ha ha ha .........

-------------------------------

from YAHOO! MAIL INC ferebb222@att.net reply-to yahoteam@live.com to date Sun, Jul 3, 2011 at 7:21 PM subject CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE AWARDED PRIZE OF US$2,000,000.00 FROM THE YAHOO! MAIL PROMO.

hide details 7:21 PM (12 hours ago)

Warning: This message may not be from whom it claims to be. Beware of following any links in it or of providing the sender with any personal information. Learn more

This is to inform you that you have won Prize of TWO MILLION US DOLLARS ($2,000,000.00) for the YEARLY LOTTERY Promotion which is organized by Yahoo! Mail INC & Windows Live for the introduction of the new YAHOO! Beta Mail which all YAHOO! users are required to switch onto. Yahoo! Mail INC & Windows Live arrange and gather all the e-mail addresses of the people that are active online, among the Millions that Subscribed to all email Address, and others we only select Nine (9) Candidates Per Annually as our Winners through Electronic Balloting System (EBS) without the candidate applying, we Congratulate you for being one of the people selected. PAYMENT OF PRIZE AND CLAIM We wish to inform you that your Payment Approval File was sent to our Africa Representative Office (Republic of Ghana) due to we have 5 Lucky Winners in Africa so that you can be cleared and paid Simultaneously there. You have to contact our Location Claim Agent on or before your date of Claim. Yahoo! Beta Lottery Prize must be claimed not later than 32 days from date of Draw Notification after the Draw date in which Prize has won. Note: Any prize not claimed within this period (32 days) will be forfeited. These are your identification numbers: Batch Number.......................YBM-EBS-360AF Ref Number...........................YBM-EBS-710AF Winning Number...................YBM-EBS-718AF These Numbers above fall within the agents Location file, you are requested to contact your Agent and send your Identification Numbers and Personal Information to him. Yahoo! Claims Agent email below: yahoteam@live.com You are therefore advised to send the following information to him to facilitate and process the transfer of your Winning Prize (Fund) with the appointed paying bank. Send your Identification Numbers/Your Personal Information to him immediately: Personal Information 1. Full Name: …………………………………… 2. Nationality: …………………………………… 3. Contact Address: ……………………....…… 4. Telephone Number: ………………....……… 5. Marital Status: ………………….......………… 6. Occupation: ……………………...…………… 7. Age/ Gender: ………………...……………… We hope you're enjoying your new Yahoo! Mail account. Winners shall be paid in accordance with his/her Settlement Center. Now take the next step and claim your Prize and say thanks to Yahoo! You select how to transfer the prize money to you: Bank Draft/Cheque Delivery to Your Address (YES) Bank to Bank Transfer (NO) By Cash Delivery to your Address (NO) See what's happening on Yahoo.com today. Do you Yahoo!? If you have questions or wish to claim your prize money kindly contact this email. Sees the instructions at the body of this message. yahoteam@live.com Copyright © 2010 Yahoo! All rights reserved. |Copyright/IP Policy|Terms of Service|Privacy Policy

Play Soldiers

In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or legs called Philip.

Johnny knocks at the door of Philip's house and asks if Philip can come out to play soldiers.

"Johnny, you know full well that Philip hasn't got any arms or legs," says his mother.

"Yeah, I know that," says Johnny - "I was going to use him as a sandbag."

Report Card

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."

Johnny replied, "I don't have it."

"Why not?" His father asked.

"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

BBC is paying me 18 million pound

Ha ha ha ha ha ..........

I will be a millionaire soon.

See the email below, BBC is paying me 18 million pound.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ......

----------------------------------------------------

from BBC FINANCE DEPARTMENT bedvin@gimelnet.rs reply-to BBC FINANCE DEPARTMENT to date Fri, Jul 1, 2011 at 10:54 AM subject PAYMENT mailed-by gimelnet.rs

hide details 10:54 AM (7 hours ago)

Warning: This message may not be from whom it claims to be. Beware of following any links in it or of providing the sender with any personal information. Learn more

Dear Winner,

We want to inform you that your funds of £18,000,000.00 (Eighteen Million Pounds sterling) have been release to you through the BBC FINANCE DEPARTMENT UK on our 2011 charity bonanza.The BBC FINANCE DEPARTMENT UK wishes to congratulate you over the success of your email address.

To receive your winnings of £18,000,000.00 within the next 24hrs, We want you to re-confirm your information below so that we can be able to release your funds to you.You are advice to provide with your following information as stated below :

Full Name:
Contact Address:
Phone And Fax#:
Age:
occupation:
Country

NOTE THAT YOU WILL NOT PAY ANY CHARGES TO RECEIVE YOUR FUNDS.Your funds are protected by hard cover insurance policy until it is remitted to your account in your country.

Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for being part of our promotional program. You will contact through our email address:(bbcfinancedep@yahoo.cn) to collect your funds as soon as possible.

We need your urgent reply to collect your funds today.

Yours faithfully,
Dr Helen Cole
MANAGING DIRECTOR
BBC FINANCE DEPARTMENT
UNITED KINGDOM
0845 838 1815 (UK Local Rate)
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Sandwiches

There is this senior in high-school and he is mad because he has to share his room with his brother, Little Johnny, who is 9. They have bunk-beds and the older brother is on top...so one night the big brother comes home with his girlfriend for a little fun....he says to her.."My lil brother is asleep, whisper tomato for harder and lettuce for a different position."

So they get up in the top bunk and begin getting it on, she begins saying lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato." eventually she begins to yell "LETUCE, TOMATO, LETTUCE, TOMATO" finally the Little Johnny wakes up and says "would you two quit making sandwhiches up there, your getting mayonaise all over my face."