Bragging Rights

I know a guy who swears that:

His Dick is so big, it has its own dick, and even his dick's dick is bigger than yours.

His Dick is so big, he can wear it as a tie, but he's too afraid of getting a hard-on and choking himself.

His Dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's phone calls.

His Dick is so big, movie theatre popcorn now comes in 'small', 'medium', 'large', and 'his dick'!