Mayday!

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!"

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.

“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, " PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? "

Our hero stands up defiantly and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"