Surrogate
Two gay men decided to have a baby. They mixed their sperm together and have a Surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby is born, they rushed to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies.... And yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!" The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"
Monday, May 31, 2010
Why Sex??
Why Sex??
1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to
condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large
condoms.
2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter
what you have heard ladies, that's the truth.
Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches,
for you women who think you can handle king dong.
3) 80% of American men are circumcise, though Pediatrics
say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make
your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by
the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe
size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called
'prostatic congestion.'
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates
+Some stuff on the ladies+
------------ --------- ---------
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves
'attractive' (20% of British women do). 43% of women
use the term 'natural', 24% say they have
'average' looks, 8% prefer the term
'feminine', 7% say they are 'good looking',
and 7% say they are 'cute', and finally only 2% of
women say they are 'sexy'.
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants. (thats a lot !! )
4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.
5) 95% of women shave their privates.
+Both+
------------ --------- --------- --
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women.
2) 70% of high schoolers have had sex before they have
graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only
3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of
dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.
4) Teens are most likely to have sex for the first time in
JUNE.
5) First-time intercourse is often unplanned, meaning
it's less likely teens will use contraception.
6) Virginity is often lost with a person they HAVEN'T
been dating.
+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every
half an hour. It will lower your cholesterol and improve
breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if you
have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense
of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically
proven to be less depressed than women who don't have sex.
4) Makes you look better; problem is that ugly people
don't get any. Sex releases hormones which make your
skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove
that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a
week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge
themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look
younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to
10 years younger than you really are.
Did You Know?
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running
75 miles!!!
1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to
condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large
condoms.
2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter
what you have heard ladies, that's the truth.
Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches,
for you women who think you can handle king dong.
3) 80% of American men are circumcise, though Pediatrics
say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make
your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by
the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe
size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called
'prostatic congestion.'
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates
+Some stuff on the ladies+
------------ --------- ---------
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves
'attractive' (20% of British women do). 43% of women
use the term 'natural', 24% say they have
'average' looks, 8% prefer the term
'feminine', 7% say they are 'good looking',
and 7% say they are 'cute', and finally only 2% of
women say they are 'sexy'.
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants. (thats a lot !! )
4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.
5) 95% of women shave their privates.
+Both+
------------ --------- --------- --
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women.
2) 70% of high schoolers have had sex before they have
graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only
3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of
dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.
4) Teens are most likely to have sex for the first time in
JUNE.
5) First-time intercourse is often unplanned, meaning
it's less likely teens will use contraception.
6) Virginity is often lost with a person they HAVEN'T
been dating.
+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every
half an hour. It will lower your cholesterol and improve
breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if you
have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense
of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically
proven to be less depressed than women who don't have sex.
4) Makes you look better; problem is that ugly people
don't get any. Sex releases hormones which make your
skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove
that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a
week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge
themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look
younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to
10 years younger than you really are.
Did You Know?
------------ --------- --------- --------- -
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running
75 miles!!!
Doctor's Last Word....
Doctor's Last Word....
A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist. 'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.' 'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.' 'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand....'
'Did he hold your hand like this? ''Yes, Doctor.
Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.
''Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor.
Exactly like how you're doing.
''It's not a Bastard.
It means he wanna stay forever by your side
''Then he kissed me...''Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor... Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. it means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor.... exactly like that''It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you..'
'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... '
'Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?'
'Yes, Doctor.
Until I'm completely naked like now......'
'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.'
'Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me...' .........................
'Did he do it just like what we do?
''Yes, Doctor.
Exactly the same'
'You still can't call him Bastard.
It means he needs you.'
'But then he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,
' BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!
A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist. 'Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him Bastard. I feel that he's gone too far, and he deserves it.' 'Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you.' 'Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand....'
'Did he hold your hand like this? ''Yes, Doctor.
Exactly like how you're holding it now'
'If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called Bastard.
It means he doesn't want to be separated from you.
''Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me...'
'Like this?' 'Yes, Doctor.
Exactly like how you're doing.
''It's not a Bastard.
It means he wanna stay forever by your side
''Then he kissed me...''Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor... Exactly like how you're kissing me.'
'If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him Bastard. it means he adores you.
''Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs, Doc...'
'Like this?'
'Yes, Doctor.... exactly like that''It's not behavior of a bastard.
It means he wants to protect you..'
'Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... '
'Did you resist?'
'No. I let him do it, coz I love him...
''Did he take off your clothes like this?'
'Yes, Doctor.
Until I'm completely naked like now......'
'He still doesn't deserve to be called 'Bastard, because it means he wanna learn about your body completely.'
'Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me...' .........................
'Did he do it just like what we do?
''Yes, Doctor.
Exactly the same'
'You still can't call him Bastard.
It means he needs you.'
'But then he told me that he has AIDS'
All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming,
' BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!
Singapore Airlines .......joke of the day
Singapore Airlines .......joke of the day
Once upon a time in Singapore , there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Ng with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.
The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.Years passed, and it was time to get them married.
So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais" (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.
As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......"
Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied.
Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use codes to describe your experiences".
So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed.
Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter.
It was from Elaine.They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement."Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY" Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE".So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad."Ah! here it is."NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.
Another week passed.A month passed. And another.There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.
Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out.The code-name was " SINGAPORE AIRLINES".
Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically."Ah! Here it is!"Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair. The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, NON-STOP".
Once upon a time in Singapore , there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Ng with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.
The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.Years passed, and it was time to get them married.
So, the parents found them the most suitable " leng chais" (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.
As "concerned" (more like "kay-poh") parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......"
Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied.
Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use codes to describe your experiences".
So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed.
Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter.
It was from Elaine.They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement."Ah! here it is!", exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY" Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.
A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE".So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad."Ah! here it is."NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP". Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.
Another week passed.A month passed. And another.There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried.
Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out.The code-name was " SINGAPORE AIRLINES".
Why Singapore Airlines? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically."Ah! Here it is!"Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair. The motto was ..."7 TIMES A WEEK, 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY, NON-STOP".
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Memorial Stone
Joe died.
His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend.
'Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased,' she said.
'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
'How much did this really cost?'
'All of it,' said Sharon. 'Forty thousand.'
'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'
Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500.
I donated $500 to church.
The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500.
The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'
Brenda computed quickly.
'$32,500 for a Memorial Stone?
How big is it?'
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His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sharon turned to her oldest and dearest friend.
'Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased,' she said.
'I'm sure you're right,' replied Brenda, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
'How much did this really cost?'
'All of it,' said Sharon. 'Forty thousand.'
'No!' Brenda exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?'
Sharon answered, 'The funeral was $6,500.
I donated $500 to church.
The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500.
The rest went for the Memorial Stone.'
Brenda computed quickly.
'$32,500 for a Memorial Stone?
How big is it?'
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Castlevania Music Collection
Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you, it's only when you leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible or both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when?mating.
Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you? To see if you really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!
This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan "We stare because we care!"
The saddest part of a man's body is his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra , what would you get. Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear Banana split.
What's the difference between a bomb & a condom
In a bomb blast, population decreases & if a condom blasts, population increases.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible or both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when?mating.
Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you? To see if you really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!
This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan "We stare because we care!"
The saddest part of a man's body is his balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in. He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra , what would you get. Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear Banana split.
What's the difference between a bomb & a condom
In a bomb blast, population decreases & if a condom blasts, population increases.
Friday, May 28, 2010
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne.
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne.
After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a bill for $450.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tellsthe clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.
When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that wereavailable for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here,' the
Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! The man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' he says, 'this cheque is only made out for $50..00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!'
After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room,but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a bill for $450.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tellsthe clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.
When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that wereavailable for the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here,' the
Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! The man replies, 'But we didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' he says, 'this cheque is only made out for $50..00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have!'
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Memoirs of IMH
Memoirs of IMH
Record I
Patient A: "So how... this book not bad yah?"
Patient B: "Yah agree, excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art – too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you put the telephone book back to the original place?"
Record II
A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm…that's normal...so if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen then?"
Patient: "I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will fall off..."
Record III
IMH has an old lady who wears black, carries a black umbrella and squats at the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.
The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her but decided to understand her behavior first.
So, the doctor also wears black and carries a black umbrella; squatted besides her everyday.
The days go by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of word. After one solid month, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"
Record IV
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curious and went to take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself...."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't received the letter, how would I know??"
Record V
Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.
After a while, the patient below shouted to the one on top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"
The patient on top replied: "No. no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet"
Record VI
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...How? I think I'm a chicken since the day I was born..."
Doctor: "Wah! That’s very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."
Record VII
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
Record I
Patient A: "So how... this book not bad yah?"
Patient B: "Yah agree, excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art – too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you put the telephone book back to the original place?"
Record II
A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm…that's normal...so if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen then?"
Patient: "I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will fall off..."
Record III
IMH has an old lady who wears black, carries a black umbrella and squats at the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.
The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her but decided to understand her behavior first.
So, the doctor also wears black and carries a black umbrella; squatted besides her everyday.
The days go by...the two of them squatted side-by-side w/o a single exchange of word. After one solid month, the old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse me! Are you also a mushroom?"
Record IV
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curious and went to take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself...."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't received the letter, how would I know??"
Record V
Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.
After a while, the patient below shouted to the one on top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"
The patient on top replied: "No. no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet"
Record VI
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...How? I think I'm a chicken since the day I was born..."
Doctor: "Wah! That’s very serious...Why do you only come and seek treatment now?"
Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the eggs..."
Record VII
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Your Yearly Dementia Test
Your Yearly Dementia Test
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say ' silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World . However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or 'no man's land'?
Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator.
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four g et on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on .. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast,' give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say ' silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World . However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of 'no man's land' between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or 'no man's land'?
Answer: You don't bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, 'You don't bury survivors', proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator.
You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading , six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon , two people get off and four g et on. In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on .. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!!
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
Recession Updates
Recession Updates
1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off!!
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate
3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America 's third biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".
10. Quote from a wall street banker: This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half of my assets and I still have my wife…!!!!..
1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off!!
2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate
3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs.
4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money
5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America 's third biggest lender.
7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
8. Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.
9. Dow Jones is re-branded as "Down Jones".
10. Quote from a wall street banker: This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half of my assets and I still have my wife…!!!!..
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Indian Breakfast!!!
Indian Breakfast!!!
An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Pakistani: 'You Indian folks eat the whole bread??'
Indian (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'
Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In Pakistan , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India .'
The Pakistani has a smirk on his face..
The Indian listens in silence.
The Pakistani persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'
Indian : 'Of Course.'
Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling), 'We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India .'
The Indian then asks: 'Do you have sex in Pakistan ?'
Pakistani : 'Why of course we do', the Pakistani says with a big smirk.
Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
Pakistani : 'We throw them away, of course.'
Indian : 'We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan
An Indian is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Pakistani man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Indian ignores the Pakistani who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:
Pakistani: 'You Indian folks eat the whole bread??'
Indian (in a bad mood): 'Of course.'
Pakistani: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In Pakistan , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India .'
The Pakistani has a smirk on his face..
The Indian listens in silence.
The Pakistani persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??'
Indian : 'Of Course.'
Pakistani : (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling), 'We don't. In Pakistan we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India .'
The Indian then asks: 'Do you have sex in Pakistan ?'
Pakistani : 'Why of course we do', the Pakistani says with a big smirk.
Indian : And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'
Pakistani : 'We throw them away, of course.'
Indian : 'We don't. In India , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Pakistan
Danger of communicating in diff wavelength...
Danger of communicating in diff wavelength.
In New Delhi , Mr. Sharma comes homes one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure,we can't tell anybody".
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from DEB(Delhi Electric Board) because the electricity bill has notbeen paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs Sharma?
"Yes.....speaking"
DEB Guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, maam, it's in our files!" says the DEB guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files....HOW????
"Yes.... we have a system of finding out who's overdue"
"Oh my Goodness!!!!! This is too much....."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders. I have toinform you are overdue".
"I know that.... Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow"
That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he,mad as a bull, rushes to the DEB office the next morning.
"What's going on? You have it on your file that my wife is one month overdue? "What business is that of yours?" thehusband shouts.
"Just calm down, "says the lady at the reception at DEB,"it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle!"
In New Delhi , Mr. Sharma comes homes one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure,we can't tell anybody".
The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from DEB(Delhi Electric Board) because the electricity bill has notbeen paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs Sharma?
"Yes.....speaking"
DEB Guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, maam, it's in our files!" says the DEB guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files....HOW????
"Yes.... we have a system of finding out who's overdue"
"Oh my Goodness!!!!! This is too much....."
"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders. I have toinform you are overdue".
"I know that.... Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow"
That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he,mad as a bull, rushes to the DEB office the next morning.
"What's going on? You have it on your file that my wife is one month overdue? "What business is that of yours?" thehusband shouts.
"Just calm down, "says the lady at the reception at DEB,"it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle!"
Monday, May 24, 2010
DAD AT MALL
DAD AT MALL
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find dad staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your ?'
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find dad staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your ?'
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
BLONDE
BLONDE
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,- :*´`´*:-.,_ ,.-:*´`´*
THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!' The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.' A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
SIXTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up. The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
SECOND DEGREE Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,- :*´`´*:-.,_ ,.-:*´`´*
THIRD DEGREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!' The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
FOURTH DEGREE A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.' A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?' The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
FIFTH DEGREE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
SIXTH DEGREE Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´ `´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-., _,.-:*´`´*: -.,_,-:*´`´ *:-.,_,.- :*´`´*
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Naughty Joke
Naughty Joke
Sally is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens it to see a man standing there. He asks Sally, 'Do you have a vagina?' Shocked, she slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home, she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen. And if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'.
She nods to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. 'Do you have vagina?' 'Yes' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'
Sally is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens it to see a man standing there. He asks Sally, 'Do you have a vagina?' Shocked, she slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home, she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen. And if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'.
She nods to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. 'Do you have vagina?' 'Yes' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Yoga may help cancer survivors sleep better, boost energy
Yoga may help cancer survivors sleep better, boost energy
NEW YORK, May 21 — Cancer survivors might want to try yoga to get a better night’s sleep and to boost their energy levels, according to a US study.
Researchers from the University of Rochester Medical Centre in New York randomly assigned more than 400 cancer survivors, most of whom had been treated with chemotherapy for breast cancer, into two groups.
One group did gentle Hatha yoga and restorative yoga — including special postures and breathing and mindfulness exercises — twice a week for a month. The other was only monitored, following standard practice.
Those who did yoga were able to cut back on sleeping pills and slept better, as measured by a 22 per cent increase in sleep quality on a commonly used scale. That was nearly twice the improvement of survivors who didn’t do the exercises. Yoga also cut fatigue by close to half, and led to a small increase in quality of life.
That is good news for cancer patients, said researcher Karen Mustian who led the study that will be presented at the American Society of Clinical Oncology Annual Meeting in early June.
“We really don’t have any good remedies for fatigue for cancer survivors,” she told Reuters Health.
Although patients may take drugs to help them sleep, such medications have side effects and aren’t usually long-lasting which led Mustian’s team to look for alternatives.
How yoga achieves its relaxing effects isn’t completely clear.
“It may be promoting social bonding,” Mustian said, adding that preliminary studies have suggested it could also lower stress hormones.
For cancer survivors seeking help from yoga, Mustian recommended looking for Yoga Alliance-certified instructors, especially those who have experience with people dealing with illness. She also stressed that the results may not apply to all forms of yoga.
Dr Douglas Blayney, president of the American Society of Clinical Oncology, said physicians and oncologists were often uncomfortable advising patients who wanted to use therapies that were complementary to standard cancer therapy.
“A physician can say with some confidence, ‘yes, this kind of yoga program may be useful’,” Blayney, who was not involved in the research, told Reuters Health.
“Here we have a studied intervention, one that has been subjected to clinical trials and, lo and behold, it seems to be beneficial.” — Reuters
NEW YORK, May 21 — Cancer survivors might want to try yoga to get a better night’s sleep and to boost their energy levels, according to a US study.
Researchers from the University of Rochester Medical Centre in New York randomly assigned more than 400 cancer survivors, most of whom had been treated with chemotherapy for breast cancer, into two groups.
One group did gentle Hatha yoga and restorative yoga — including special postures and breathing and mindfulness exercises — twice a week for a month. The other was only monitored, following standard practice.
Those who did yoga were able to cut back on sleeping pills and slept better, as measured by a 22 per cent increase in sleep quality on a commonly used scale. That was nearly twice the improvement of survivors who didn’t do the exercises. Yoga also cut fatigue by close to half, and led to a small increase in quality of life.
That is good news for cancer patients, said researcher Karen Mustian who led the study that will be presented at the American Society of Clinical Oncology Annual Meeting in early June.
“We really don’t have any good remedies for fatigue for cancer survivors,” she told Reuters Health.
Although patients may take drugs to help them sleep, such medications have side effects and aren’t usually long-lasting which led Mustian’s team to look for alternatives.
How yoga achieves its relaxing effects isn’t completely clear.
“It may be promoting social bonding,” Mustian said, adding that preliminary studies have suggested it could also lower stress hormones.
For cancer survivors seeking help from yoga, Mustian recommended looking for Yoga Alliance-certified instructors, especially those who have experience with people dealing with illness. She also stressed that the results may not apply to all forms of yoga.
Dr Douglas Blayney, president of the American Society of Clinical Oncology, said physicians and oncologists were often uncomfortable advising patients who wanted to use therapies that were complementary to standard cancer therapy.
“A physician can say with some confidence, ‘yes, this kind of yoga program may be useful’,” Blayney, who was not involved in the research, told Reuters Health.
“Here we have a studied intervention, one that has been subjected to clinical trials and, lo and behold, it seems to be beneficial.” — Reuters
Friday, May 21, 2010
Have fun!!
Have fun!!
Samy Vellu sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.
Mukhriz sees a gorgeous girl at a party. One of his loyal UMNO friends goes up to her and pointingat Mukhriz and says: "He's very rich. Marry him!" That's Advertising.
Khir Toyo sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and gets her telephone number. The next day, he calls and says: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me!" That's Telemarketing.
Khairy is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl. He gets up and straightens his tie, walks up to her and pours her a drink, he opens the door (of the car) for her, picks up her bag after she drops it, offers her ride and then says: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you Marry Me?" That's Public Relations.
Razak Baginda is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl. The girl walks up to him and says:"You are very rich! Can you marry me?" That's Brand Recognition.
Syed Hamid sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives Hamid a tight and hard slap on his face. That's Customer Feedback.
Not satisfied, Hamid goes to see another gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces Hamid to her husband. That's Demand and Supply gap.
Abdullah sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and before he can say anything, another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" And she goes with him. That's competition eating into your market share..
And finally Najib sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and before he can say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" Rosmah arrives. That's restriction for entering new markets
Samy Vellu sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.
Mukhriz sees a gorgeous girl at a party. One of his loyal UMNO friends goes up to her and pointingat Mukhriz and says: "He's very rich. Marry him!" That's Advertising.
Khir Toyo sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and gets her telephone number. The next day, he calls and says: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me!" That's Telemarketing.
Khairy is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl. He gets up and straightens his tie, walks up to her and pours her a drink, he opens the door (of the car) for her, picks up her bag after she drops it, offers her ride and then says: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you Marry Me?" That's Public Relations.
Razak Baginda is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl. The girl walks up to him and says:"You are very rich! Can you marry me?" That's Brand Recognition.
Syed Hamid sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives Hamid a tight and hard slap on his face. That's Customer Feedback.
Not satisfied, Hamid goes to see another gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces Hamid to her husband. That's Demand and Supply gap.
Abdullah sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and before he can say anything, another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" And she goes with him. That's competition eating into your market share..
And finally Najib sees a gorgeous girl at a party. He goes up to her and before he can say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" Rosmah arrives. That's restriction for entering new markets
5 DON'TS when you are sleeping
1 DON'T SLEEP WITH A WATCH on your wrist.
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.
2 DON'T SLEEP WITH Your BRA on.
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without them.
3 DON'T SLEEP near a PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible from you.Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phones and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.
4 DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE-UP ONPeople who sleep with make-up on might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make-up on will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.
Lastly.....
5 DON'T SLEEP WITH somebody else WIFE or HUSBAND
You may never wake up again.
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.
2 DON'T SLEEP WITH Your BRA on.
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without them.
3 DON'T SLEEP near a PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible from you.Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phones and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.
4 DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE-UP ONPeople who sleep with make-up on might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make-up on will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.
Lastly.....
5 DON'T SLEEP WITH somebody else WIFE or HUSBAND
You may never wake up again.
Crazy Facts - for all who need a good laugh
Crazy Facts - for all who need a good laugh
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Source: unknown
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Source: unknown
Thursday, May 20, 2010
DEAF BOOKKEEPER
DEAF BOOKKEEPER
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again !"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him !"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK ! You win ! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say ?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have theballs to pull the> trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers....................................?
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is." The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again !"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him !"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK ! You win ! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say ?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have theballs to pull the> trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers....................................?
LEARNING MEDICINE
LEARNING MEDICINE
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
'It is used for diarrhoea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines.
Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
'It is used for diarrhoea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted
copy and paste
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said:
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !"
The wife went ; "ah!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,
the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was !"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness,
he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste !
He Said:
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !"
The wife went ; "ah!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,
the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was !"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness,
he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste !
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Arab & Jew
An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises.
Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.
Finally, a Jew was located who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate his blood to the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank-you card for giving his blood along with an expensive diamond and a new Rolls Royce car as a token of his appreciation.
Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. And his doctors called the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank You card and a box of Almond Roca sweets. The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not acknowledge the Jew's kind gesture in the same way as he had done the first time..
So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very generous manner.
The Arab replied : "Yahabibi !!, I have Jewish blood now,remember....!?"
Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.
Finally, a Jew was located who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate his blood to the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank-you card for giving his blood along with an expensive diamond and a new Rolls Royce car as a token of his appreciation.
Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. And his doctors called the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank You card and a box of Almond Roca sweets. The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not acknowledge the Jew's kind gesture in the same way as he had done the first time..
So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very generous manner.
The Arab replied : "Yahabibi !!, I have Jewish blood now,remember....!?"
Chinese Jews*
Chinese Jews*
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai "Oscar," asked Benjie, "Are there any Jews in China ?" "I don't know," Oscar replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai ?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked. "I will check again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China , our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews." "Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again.
"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews." "Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!
If you want, we have Chinese Tea.
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai "Oscar," asked Benjie, "Are there any Jews in China ?" "I don't know," Oscar replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai ?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked. "I will check again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China , our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews." "Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again.
"I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews." "Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!
If you want, we have Chinese Tea.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Boulder and Bus.
Translation: Boulder and Bus.
A couple went to the hillside in a bus. Half way through only the 2 of them got down. After the bus went on without them, a boulder dropped on the bus from nowhere, crashing it into smouldering. There were no survivor.. The couple regretfully said: If only we hadn't got down. Well most people would say, Luckily we got off. Why do you think they would say the opposite?
Answer: If they hadn't got off, the bus would've passed the accident scene before it happened! In life, we should try to evaluate situations from a different point, think positively and help each other, not mingle with only your own business. If this had given you a fresh look on life, do pass it on
How Much Is A Miracle?
How Much Is A Miracle?
author unknown
A miracle is not the suspension of natural law,but the operation of a higher law.
Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor bills and their house.
Only a very costly surgery could save Andrew now and it was looking like there was no one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."
Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all of the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was to busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."
"I beg your pardon?" asked the pharmacist.
"His name is Andrew, and he has something bad growing inside of his head, and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"
"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.
"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."
The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"
"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But, my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."
"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.
"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.
"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents -- the exact price of a miracle for little brothers." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."
That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge. And it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
"That surgery," her Mom whispered, "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents... plus the faith of a little child.
author unknown
author unknown
A miracle is not the suspension of natural law,but the operation of a higher law.
Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor bills and their house.
Only a very costly surgery could save Andrew now and it was looking like there was no one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."
Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all of the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was to busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."
"I beg your pardon?" asked the pharmacist.
"His name is Andrew, and he has something bad growing inside of his head, and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"
"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you," the pharmacist said, softening a little.
"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."
The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"
"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But, my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money."
"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.
"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.
"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents -- the exact price of a miracle for little brothers." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."
That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge. And it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
"That surgery," her Mom whispered, "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents... plus the faith of a little child.
author unknown
A TV INTERVIEW WHICH WAS NEVER AIRED IN THE UK ...........
A TV INTERVIEW WHICH WAS NEVER AIRED IN THE UK ...........
You know there are so many TV channels in the UK, each starved of new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow
disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter ...
The interview was as follows: The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
Reporter (obviously embarrassed) : "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information.. but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"
The program was never aired...............
You know there are so many TV channels in the UK, each starved of new programs.
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow
disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter ...
The interview was as follows: The lady reporter: "I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?"
The farmer stared at the reporter and said: "Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?"
Reporter (obviously embarrassed) : "Well, sir, that's a new piece of information.. but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?"
Farmer: "And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?"
Reporter: "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"
Farmer: "I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"
The program was never aired...............
Monday, May 17, 2010
Two Australian Businessmen
Two Australian Businessmen
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Chinese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick
Chinese accent asked 'You sell what ?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Chinaman said, 'You doing velly well,only last two left!'
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Chinese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick
Chinese accent asked 'You sell what ?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Chinaman said, 'You doing velly well,only last two left!'
Boat Story
Boat Story
They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it!!
Well, here's a good BOAT story!!
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-starters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible." Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway.. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
They say the two happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it!!
Well, here's a good BOAT story!!
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-starters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.
Unknown to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery.
A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible." Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time.I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway.. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
Cancer superfoods list
Cancer superfoods list
Sandra Davie
Saturday, 06 March 2010 08:52
SINGAPORE – Have you ever wondered which types of food can fight cancer?
A Straits Times report has compiled a list of superfoods that can fight off cancer.
BEANS
Beans(also known as legumes) include lentils and peas along with many other varieties. Soybeans fall into this category as well.
The active ingredients in beans that scientists believe may play a role in cancer prevention include: saponins, protease inhibitors and phytic acid. These compounds, called phytochemicals, are found naturally in plants and appear to protect our cells from damage that can lead to cancer.
BERRIES
Berries including strawberries, blueberries and raspberries are good sources of vitamin C and fiber. Foods high in vitamin C probably protect against cancer of the esophagus, while foods containing dietary fiber probably decrease colorectal cancer risk.
All berries, but particularly strawberries and raspberries, are rich in ellagic acid. In laboratory studies, this phytochemical has shown the ability to prevent cancers of the skin, bladder, lung, esophagus and breast. Research suggests that ellagic acid seems to utilise several different cancer-fighting methods at once: it acts as an antioxidant, it helps the body deactivate specific carcinogens and it helps slow the reproduction of cancer cells.
Strawberries also contain a wide range of other phytochemicals, called flavonoids, each of which seems to employ a similar array of anti-cancer strategies.
Blueberries contain a family of phenolic compounds called anthocyanosides, which many scientists believe are among the most potent antioxidants yet discovered.
GARLIC
Garlic belongs to the family of vegetables called Allium, which also includes onions, scallions, leeks and chives. According to AICR's second expert report foods belonging to the allium family of vegetables probably protect against stomach cancer. Moreover, the evidence in the report shows that garlic, in particular, probably decreases one's chances of developing colorectal cancer.
GRAPES AND GRAPE JUICE
Both grapes and grape juice are rich sources of resveratrol, a type of natural phytochemical that belongs to a much larger group of phytochemicals called polyphenols.
The skin of the grape contains the most resveratrol, and red and purple grapes contain significantly more resveratrol than green grapes. Grape jam and raisins contain much smaller amounts of this phytochemical. Red wine also contains resveratrol. However, with AICR's second expert report noting convincing evidence that alcohol is associated with increased risk for cancers of the mouth, pharynx and larynx, esophagus, breast (pre- and postmenopausal) and colon and rectum (in men), wine is not a recommended source of resveratrol.
Studies suggest that polyphenols in general and resveratrol, in particular, possess potent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. In laboratory studies, resveratrol prevented the kind of damage known to trigger the cancer process in cell, tissue and animal models.
Foods that fight cancer?
TOMATOES
The tomato's red hue comes chiefly from a phytochemical called lycopene. Tomatoes have attracted particular attention from prostate cancer researchers because lycopene and its related compounds tend to concentrate in tissues of the prostate.
This cancer-fighting potential is increased if tomatoes are consumed in a processed form that allows these natural compounds to be released and more easily absorbed, such as tomato sauce, tomato paste or tomato juice.
Lycopene, a powerful antioxidant, together with a group of related compounds collectively called the 'red family,' has displayed anti-cancer potential in a variety of laboratory studies. In the laboratory, tomato components have stopped the proliferation of several other cancer cells types, including breast, lung, and endometrial.
WHOLE GRAINS
The term 'whole grain' means that all three parts of the grain kernel (germ, bran and endosperm) are included. Refined grains usually have the bran and germ removed, leaving only the starchy endosperm. Brown rice is a whole grain, white rice is not. Other whole-grain foods include wheat breads, rolls, pasta and cereals; whole grain oat cereals such as oatmeal, wild rice, kasha (roasted buckwheat) and tabouleh (bulghur wheat).
Whole grains are rich in fiber, vitamins, minerals and hundreds of natural plant compounds, called phytochemicals, which protect cells from the types of damage that may lead to cancer.
DARK GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES
Spinach, romaine lettuce, leaf lettuce are excellent sources of fiber, folate and a wide range of carotenoids such as lutein and zeaxanthin, along with saponins and flavonoids.
Foods containing carotenoids probably protect against cancers of the mouth, pharynx and larynx.
Researchers believe that carotenoids seem to prevent cancer by acting as antioxidants - that is, scouring potentially dangerous 'free radicals' from the body before they can do harm. Some laboratory research has found that the carotenoids in dark green leafy vegetables can inhibit the growth of certain types of breast cancer cells, skin cancer cells, lung cancer and stomach cancer.
Source: American Institute for Cancer Research
Sandra Davie
Saturday, 06 March 2010 08:52
SINGAPORE – Have you ever wondered which types of food can fight cancer?
A Straits Times report has compiled a list of superfoods that can fight off cancer.
BEANS
Beans(also known as legumes) include lentils and peas along with many other varieties. Soybeans fall into this category as well.
The active ingredients in beans that scientists believe may play a role in cancer prevention include: saponins, protease inhibitors and phytic acid. These compounds, called phytochemicals, are found naturally in plants and appear to protect our cells from damage that can lead to cancer.
BERRIES
Berries including strawberries, blueberries and raspberries are good sources of vitamin C and fiber. Foods high in vitamin C probably protect against cancer of the esophagus, while foods containing dietary fiber probably decrease colorectal cancer risk.
All berries, but particularly strawberries and raspberries, are rich in ellagic acid. In laboratory studies, this phytochemical has shown the ability to prevent cancers of the skin, bladder, lung, esophagus and breast. Research suggests that ellagic acid seems to utilise several different cancer-fighting methods at once: it acts as an antioxidant, it helps the body deactivate specific carcinogens and it helps slow the reproduction of cancer cells.
Strawberries also contain a wide range of other phytochemicals, called flavonoids, each of which seems to employ a similar array of anti-cancer strategies.
Blueberries contain a family of phenolic compounds called anthocyanosides, which many scientists believe are among the most potent antioxidants yet discovered.
GARLIC
Garlic belongs to the family of vegetables called Allium, which also includes onions, scallions, leeks and chives. According to AICR's second expert report foods belonging to the allium family of vegetables probably protect against stomach cancer. Moreover, the evidence in the report shows that garlic, in particular, probably decreases one's chances of developing colorectal cancer.
GRAPES AND GRAPE JUICE
Both grapes and grape juice are rich sources of resveratrol, a type of natural phytochemical that belongs to a much larger group of phytochemicals called polyphenols.
The skin of the grape contains the most resveratrol, and red and purple grapes contain significantly more resveratrol than green grapes. Grape jam and raisins contain much smaller amounts of this phytochemical. Red wine also contains resveratrol. However, with AICR's second expert report noting convincing evidence that alcohol is associated with increased risk for cancers of the mouth, pharynx and larynx, esophagus, breast (pre- and postmenopausal) and colon and rectum (in men), wine is not a recommended source of resveratrol.
Studies suggest that polyphenols in general and resveratrol, in particular, possess potent antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. In laboratory studies, resveratrol prevented the kind of damage known to trigger the cancer process in cell, tissue and animal models.
Foods that fight cancer?
TOMATOES
The tomato's red hue comes chiefly from a phytochemical called lycopene. Tomatoes have attracted particular attention from prostate cancer researchers because lycopene and its related compounds tend to concentrate in tissues of the prostate.
This cancer-fighting potential is increased if tomatoes are consumed in a processed form that allows these natural compounds to be released and more easily absorbed, such as tomato sauce, tomato paste or tomato juice.
Lycopene, a powerful antioxidant, together with a group of related compounds collectively called the 'red family,' has displayed anti-cancer potential in a variety of laboratory studies. In the laboratory, tomato components have stopped the proliferation of several other cancer cells types, including breast, lung, and endometrial.
WHOLE GRAINS
The term 'whole grain' means that all three parts of the grain kernel (germ, bran and endosperm) are included. Refined grains usually have the bran and germ removed, leaving only the starchy endosperm. Brown rice is a whole grain, white rice is not. Other whole-grain foods include wheat breads, rolls, pasta and cereals; whole grain oat cereals such as oatmeal, wild rice, kasha (roasted buckwheat) and tabouleh (bulghur wheat).
Whole grains are rich in fiber, vitamins, minerals and hundreds of natural plant compounds, called phytochemicals, which protect cells from the types of damage that may lead to cancer.
DARK GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES
Spinach, romaine lettuce, leaf lettuce are excellent sources of fiber, folate and a wide range of carotenoids such as lutein and zeaxanthin, along with saponins and flavonoids.
Foods containing carotenoids probably protect against cancers of the mouth, pharynx and larynx.
Researchers believe that carotenoids seem to prevent cancer by acting as antioxidants - that is, scouring potentially dangerous 'free radicals' from the body before they can do harm. Some laboratory research has found that the carotenoids in dark green leafy vegetables can inhibit the growth of certain types of breast cancer cells, skin cancer cells, lung cancer and stomach cancer.
Source: American Institute for Cancer Research
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Counting donkeys - a break from the polls
Counting donkeys - a break from the polls
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore: Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore: Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words, A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.
------------------------ -
Equation 2
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore: Man = Donkey + earn money
Therefore: Man-earn money = Donkey
In other words Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey
-------------------------- --- ---- -- -
Equation 3
Woman = eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore: Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey
In other words, Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
---------------------------------------- - -
To Conclude: From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend
So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!
So, We have: Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
http://www.malaysianmirror.com/nationaldetail/6-national/40093-counting-donkeys-a-break-from-the-polls
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore: Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore: Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words, A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.
------------------------ -
Equation 2
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore: Man = Donkey + earn money
Therefore: Man-earn money = Donkey
In other words Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey
-------------------------- --- ---- -- -
Equation 3
Woman = eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore: Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey
In other words, Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
---------------------------------------- - -
To Conclude: From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend
So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!
So, We have: Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
http://www.malaysianmirror.com/nationaldetail/6-national/40093-counting-donkeys-a-break-from-the-polls
TEST FOR DEMENTIA
TEST FOR DEMENTIA
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. Let's find out just how clever you really are.
First Question： You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?
Answer： If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question ： If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?
Answer ： If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not having a good time at this! Are you?
Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Third Question：Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10. What is the total?
Answer ： Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day.. Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question：
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer ： Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with this one ！
Bonus Question
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answer ： He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.
KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE 'SMART PEOPLE' IN YOUR LIFE
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. Let's find out just how clever you really are.
First Question： You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?
Answer： If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question ： If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?
Answer ： If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not having a good time at this! Are you?
Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Third Question：Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10. What is the total?
Answer ： Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day.. Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question：
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer ： Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with this one ！
Bonus Question
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Answer ： He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.
KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE 'SMART PEOPLE' IN YOUR LIFE
Cancer Update from John Hopkins
Cancer Update from John Hopkins
1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard Tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just mea ns the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.
2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime
3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and preventedFrom multiplying and forming tumors.
4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These Could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.
5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.
6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs..
8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.
9 When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.
10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.
11.. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.
CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
B. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.
C. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
D. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at Temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
E. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine.Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.
12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.
13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.
14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxid ants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.
15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.
16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.
(PLEASE FORWARD IT TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT)
CANCER UPDATE FROM JOHN HOPKI NS HOSPITAL , U S - PLEASE READ
1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3.. No plastic wrap in microwave.
Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poi sonous to the cells of our bodies.Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper . The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.
This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life.
1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard Tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just mea ns the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.
2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime
3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and preventedFrom multiplying and forming tumors.
4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These Could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.
5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.
6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs..
8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.
9 When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.
10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.
11.. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.
CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
B. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.
C. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
D. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at Temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
E. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine.Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.
12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.
13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.
14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxid ants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.
15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.
16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.
(PLEASE FORWARD IT TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT)
CANCER UPDATE FROM JOHN HOPKI NS HOSPITAL , U S - PLEASE READ
1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3.. No plastic wrap in microwave.
Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poi sonous to the cells of our bodies.Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper . The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead.
This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Only the English could have invented this language.
Only the English could have invented this language.
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folk who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
I would like to add that if people from Poland are called Poles,
then people from Holland should be Holes and the Germans, Germs.
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folk who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
I would like to add that if people from Poland are called Poles,
then people from Holland should be Holes and the Germans, Germs.
Friday, May 14, 2010
THERE YOU GO GEORGE
THERE YOU GO GEORGE
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
'I'm not sure what to do,' says the Devil.'You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
'No!' said George. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day.' commented George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said 'Yeah, I can handle this.'
The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to go!'
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously he goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
'I'm not sure what to do,' says the Devil.'You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves.'
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
'No!' said George. 'I don't think so, I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day.'
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.
No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day.' commented George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while, and finally said 'Yeah, I can handle this.'
The Devil smiled and said, 'OK, Monica, you're free to go!'
Broccoli juice helps patient beat bladder cancer
Broccoli juice helps patient beat bladder cancer
By Ryan KisielLast updated at 1:49 AM on 21st July 2008
A cancer patient credits his morning glass of broccoli juice with halting the disease. Ray Wiseman's claim has prompted more research into the vegetable's healing powers. Doctors told Mr Wiseman they did not expect him to survive, when they diagnosed him five years ago.
But scans show that his cancer has stopped spreading - vastly improving his chances of a recovery.
The grandfather, 79, puts his health down to the tumbler of broccoli juice that his wife prepares for him each day.
Mr Wiseman, who lives in Braunstone, Leicestershire, said: 'I take this juice every day.
I know it's done me good. 'I suppose it would be the same for everybody.'
His wife Joan, 72, started giving him the juice after a friend told her about the healing benefits of green vegetables.
For each half-tumbler dose she combines a head of broccoli with some apples and carrots to improve the taste.
She said: 'We believe my husband's incredible luck is down to broccoli. I hope our experience can help other cancer sufferers.
'The juice is a mess to make but it's something we have been happy to clear up.
He now just takes it as second nature.
'If anybody else's husband is suffering from cancer and they are not getting on too well, it could help them.'
Scientists from Cancer Research UK have asked her for the recipe, to further study the vegetable's benefits.
Recent medical studies have highlighted the possible cancer-beating powers of broccoli.
British scientists at the Institute of Food Research found that men who ate one daily portion had altered pat terns of gene activity in their prostates, suggesting that the chemicals in the vegetable might be able to reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
According to a report published in the British Journal of Cancer in 2006, natural chemicals found in certain vegetables, such as broccoli-cauliflower and cabbage, can enhance DNA repair in cells, which could help stop them becoming cancerous.
A spokesman for Cancer Research UK said: 'There's a lot of research that's focused on broccoli and the healing properties that the vegetable contains.
'If taken, broccoli needs to be with a healthy diet that is high in all fruit and vegetables.
'This can also reduce the chances of developing cancer.'
Around 10,000 are diagnosed with bladder cancer every year in the UK . It is the fifth most common form of the disease and affects more men than women.
A member of the cabbage family, broccoli is rich in vitamin C and has properties that boost the human immune systems that fight viruses, bacteria and cancer.
Studies have found that boiling broccoli can reduce its anti-cancer compounds, but steaming and microwaving do not.
By Ryan KisielLast updated at 1:49 AM on 21st July 2008
A cancer patient credits his morning glass of broccoli juice with halting the disease. Ray Wiseman's claim has prompted more research into the vegetable's healing powers. Doctors told Mr Wiseman they did not expect him to survive, when they diagnosed him five years ago.
But scans show that his cancer has stopped spreading - vastly improving his chances of a recovery.
The grandfather, 79, puts his health down to the tumbler of broccoli juice that his wife prepares for him each day.
Mr Wiseman, who lives in Braunstone, Leicestershire, said: 'I take this juice every day.
I know it's done me good. 'I suppose it would be the same for everybody.'
His wife Joan, 72, started giving him the juice after a friend told her about the healing benefits of green vegetables.
For each half-tumbler dose she combines a head of broccoli with some apples and carrots to improve the taste.
She said: 'We believe my husband's incredible luck is down to broccoli. I hope our experience can help other cancer sufferers.
'The juice is a mess to make but it's something we have been happy to clear up.
He now just takes it as second nature.
'If anybody else's husband is suffering from cancer and they are not getting on too well, it could help them.'
Scientists from Cancer Research UK have asked her for the recipe, to further study the vegetable's benefits.
Recent medical studies have highlighted the possible cancer-beating powers of broccoli.
British scientists at the Institute of Food Research found that men who ate one daily portion had altered pat terns of gene activity in their prostates, suggesting that the chemicals in the vegetable might be able to reduce the risk of prostate cancer.
According to a report published in the British Journal of Cancer in 2006, natural chemicals found in certain vegetables, such as broccoli-cauliflower and cabbage, can enhance DNA repair in cells, which could help stop them becoming cancerous.
A spokesman for Cancer Research UK said: 'There's a lot of research that's focused on broccoli and the healing properties that the vegetable contains.
'If taken, broccoli needs to be with a healthy diet that is high in all fruit and vegetables.
'This can also reduce the chances of developing cancer.'
Around 10,000 are diagnosed with bladder cancer every year in the UK . It is the fifth most common form of the disease and affects more men than women.
A member of the cabbage family, broccoli is rich in vitamin C and has properties that boost the human immune systems that fight viruses, bacteria and cancer.
Studies have found that boiling broccoli can reduce its anti-cancer compounds, but steaming and microwaving do not.
Queen and Dolly Go To Heaven
Queen and Dolly Go To Heaven
�The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both gobefore an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of themgets in.
�The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why sheshould go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the mostperfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,
a Royal Flush
beats a Pair -
no matter how big they are.
�The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both gobefore an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of themgets in.
�The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why sheshould go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the mostperfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, 'but even in Heaven,
a Royal Flush
beats a Pair -
no matter how big they are.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Dark choc could protect your heart
Dark choc could protect your heart
Monday, 10 May 2010 15:12
HEALTH There's good news for chocolate lovers. Researchers have found that there's some goodness in dark chocolate - it seems to help protect the heart.
Researchers have identified the molecular mechanism by which a compound found in cocoa can guard against the damage of a stroke, HealthDay News reported.
The compound, a flavanol called epicatechin, triggers two built-in protective pathways in the brain, according to a report published online last week in the Journal of Cerebral Blood Flow & Metabolism. The research team was led by Sylvain Dore, an associate professor of anesthesiology and critical care medicine and pharmacology and molecular sciences at John Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore.
While the cardioprotective effect of dark chocolate seen in several human studies appears to open the possibility that eating lots of chocolate is healthy, Dore said "I prefer to focus on cocoa." "Cocoa is not like chocolate, which is high in saturated fat and calories. Cocoa can be part of a healthy diet, combined with fruits and vegetables."
Cocoa-drinking Kuna Indians
It was a study of the cocoa-drinking Kuna Indians, living on islands off the coast of Panama, that led researchers to study epicatechin.
An unusually low incidence of stroke and other cardiovascular disease in that population could not be explained by genetic studies, and eventually was attributed to consumption of a very bitter cocoa drink.Studies by a number of scientists, including Dr. Norman K. Hollenberg of Harvard Medical School, identified epicatechin as the protective ingredient in dark chocolate and cocoa.
The latest research looked at the mechanism of protection in mice who were induced to have strokes. "We gave different doses of epicatechin in mice 90 minutes before a stroke and found that it reduced infarct [stroke damage] size," Dore explained.
Detailed studies showed that the flavanol activated two well-known pathways that shield nerve cells in the brain from damage, the Nrf2 and heme oxygenase pathways, Dore said.
Epicatechin had no protective effect in mice bred to lack those pathways.
The possibility of using epicatechin to limit human stroke damage is distant, Dore said. "We have to be very careful," he said. "There are a lot of steps before going to human trials, potential risks and side effects.
We need more work and more funding."Dore's long-term plan calls for studies of epicatechin metabolites and derivatives, in cardiac disease as well as stroke.
"At this point, we are using only the pure compound," he said.
Dr. Martin Lajous, a doctoral candidate at the Harvard School of Public Health who took part in one study that showed a reduced incidence of stroke in people who ate dark chocolate regularly, agreed with Dore in saying that eating a lot of chocolate is not a healthy dietary move.
Not all chocolate is created equal, Lajous said. "That's why we did the study in France, where they eat dark chocolate that is rich in flavanols," he said. "Chocolate comes with a lot of calories.
I would talk about small amounts of dark chocolate rather than chocolate in general."
And the protective mechanism by which chocolate might prevent stroke isn't yet clear, Lajous added.
The main effect appears to be the lowering of blood pressure, he said. "Flavanols are hypothesized to affect relaxation of smooth vascular muscle, such as the endothelial lining of blood vessels," Lajous said. — HealthDay News.
Monday, 10 May 2010 15:12
HEALTH There's good news for chocolate lovers. Researchers have found that there's some goodness in dark chocolate - it seems to help protect the heart.
Researchers have identified the molecular mechanism by which a compound found in cocoa can guard against the damage of a stroke, HealthDay News reported.
The compound, a flavanol called epicatechin, triggers two built-in protective pathways in the brain, according to a report published online last week in the Journal of Cerebral Blood Flow & Metabolism. The research team was led by Sylvain Dore, an associate professor of anesthesiology and critical care medicine and pharmacology and molecular sciences at John Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore.
While the cardioprotective effect of dark chocolate seen in several human studies appears to open the possibility that eating lots of chocolate is healthy, Dore said "I prefer to focus on cocoa." "Cocoa is not like chocolate, which is high in saturated fat and calories. Cocoa can be part of a healthy diet, combined with fruits and vegetables."
Cocoa-drinking Kuna Indians
It was a study of the cocoa-drinking Kuna Indians, living on islands off the coast of Panama, that led researchers to study epicatechin.
An unusually low incidence of stroke and other cardiovascular disease in that population could not be explained by genetic studies, and eventually was attributed to consumption of a very bitter cocoa drink.Studies by a number of scientists, including Dr. Norman K. Hollenberg of Harvard Medical School, identified epicatechin as the protective ingredient in dark chocolate and cocoa.
The latest research looked at the mechanism of protection in mice who were induced to have strokes. "We gave different doses of epicatechin in mice 90 minutes before a stroke and found that it reduced infarct [stroke damage] size," Dore explained.
Detailed studies showed that the flavanol activated two well-known pathways that shield nerve cells in the brain from damage, the Nrf2 and heme oxygenase pathways, Dore said.
Epicatechin had no protective effect in mice bred to lack those pathways.
The possibility of using epicatechin to limit human stroke damage is distant, Dore said. "We have to be very careful," he said. "There are a lot of steps before going to human trials, potential risks and side effects.
We need more work and more funding."Dore's long-term plan calls for studies of epicatechin metabolites and derivatives, in cardiac disease as well as stroke.
"At this point, we are using only the pure compound," he said.
Dr. Martin Lajous, a doctoral candidate at the Harvard School of Public Health who took part in one study that showed a reduced incidence of stroke in people who ate dark chocolate regularly, agreed with Dore in saying that eating a lot of chocolate is not a healthy dietary move.
Not all chocolate is created equal, Lajous said. "That's why we did the study in France, where they eat dark chocolate that is rich in flavanols," he said. "Chocolate comes with a lot of calories.
I would talk about small amounts of dark chocolate rather than chocolate in general."
And the protective mechanism by which chocolate might prevent stroke isn't yet clear, Lajous added.
The main effect appears to be the lowering of blood pressure, he said. "Flavanols are hypothesized to affect relaxation of smooth vascular muscle, such as the endothelial lining of blood vessels," Lajous said. — HealthDay News.
THIS INFORMATION NEEDS TO BE SHARED!
THIS INFORMATION NEEDS TO BE SHARED!
Microwaved water - one MUST read
A 26-year old guy decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before).
I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in the cup 'blew-up' into his face.
The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye.. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as: a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc. It is however a much safer choice to boil the water in a teakettle.
General Electric 's (GE) response:
Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that you received is correct. Micro waved water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or teabag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it or adding anything into it.
If you pass this on .... you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and suffering.
Microwaved water - one MUST read
A 26-year old guy decided to have a cup of coffee. He took a cup of water and put it in the microwave to heat it up (something that he had done numerous times before).
I am not sure how long he set the timer for, but he told me he wanted to bring the water to a boil. When the timer shut the oven off, he removed the cup from the oven. As he looked into the cup, he noted that the water was not boiling, but instantly the water in the cup 'blew-up' into his face.
The cup remained intact until he threw it out of his hand but all the water had flown out into his face due to the build up of energy. His whole face is blistered and he has 1st and 2nd degree burns to his face, which may leave scarring. He also may have lost partial sight in his left eye.. While at the hospital, the doctor who was attending to him stated that this is fairly common occurrence and water (alone) should never be heated in a microwave oven. If water is heated in this manner, something should be placed in the cup to diffuse the energy such as: a wooden stir stick, tea bag, etc. It is however a much safer choice to boil the water in a teakettle.
General Electric 's (GE) response:
Thanks for contacting us. I will be happy to assist you. The e-mail that you received is correct. Micro waved water and other liquids do not always bubble when they reach the boiling point. They can actually get superheated and not bubble at all. The superheated liquid will bubble up out of the cup when it is moved or when something like a spoon or teabag is put into it. To prevent this from happening and causing injury, do not heat any liquid for more than two minutes per cup. After heating, let the cup stand in the microwave for thirty seconds before moving it or adding anything into it.
If you pass this on .... you could very well save someone from a lot of pain and suffering.
GOVERNMENT JOB APPLICANTS
GOVERNMENT JOB APPLICANTS
A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, 'Are you allergic to anything? He replied, 'yes - caffeine'. Have you ever been in the military service? 'Yes,' he replied.' I was in Iraq for two years.' The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?' The guy said, 'Yes.... a roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.' The interviewer said O.K. - You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan on starting @ 10:00 A.M. every day. The guy puzzled asks, 'if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
'This is a government job,' the interviewer said. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that!'
A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, 'Are you allergic to anything? He replied, 'yes - caffeine'. Have you ever been in the military service? 'Yes,' he replied.' I was in Iraq for two years.' The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment. Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?' The guy said, 'Yes.... a roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.' The interviewer said O.K. - You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan on starting @ 10:00 A.M. every day. The guy puzzled asks, 'if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
'This is a government job,' the interviewer said. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that!'
The Cow Company around the world
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one and bought a baby bull. Nurse and feed it well; They mate, your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You invest & kept the gains into the country reserve
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows, Then re-mortgage the investment of the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise, The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets, No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cows? Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died, You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ??? Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market!
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre. Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply. When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister And last but not least,
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu" (hokkien for: always make noise and whine a lot)
You have two cows. You sell one and bought a baby bull. Nurse and feed it well; They mate, your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You invest & kept the gains into the country reserve
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You mortgage both of them to the bank & obtain investment for two more cows, Then re-mortgage the investment of the four cows for eight cows and continue to do likewise, The financial market was flooding with mortgages & investments in cow's assets, No one knows where & who owned the original 2 cows? Then these 2 original cows grew old & eventually died, You are surprised when there's No Asset to back up the mortgage or repay the loan ??? Finally, You ask the govt to bail out the collapse financial cow's market!
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre. Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply. When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead. Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister And last but not least,
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu" (hokkien for: always make noise and whine a lot)
Pigs' feet: the new superfood
As Britain's spending on cosmetic surgery soars, Fiona MacDonald Smith suggests it's time that we chopped and changed our diet instead .
The latest anti-ageing food? Pigs' trotters. That's right, you heard it here first. In New York, the most talked-about new opening of the past couple of months has been a Japanese restaurant called Hakata Tonton, where 33 out of the 39 dishes contain pigs' feet.
The reason for this, according to its owner, Himi Okajima, is that they are rich in collagen, the protein responsible for skin and muscle tone, more recognizable to beauty addicts in the form of face creams and fillers.
"Collagen helps your body retain moisture," says Okajima, who has introduced a chain of restaurants specializing in collagen cuisine in Japan . "Your hair and skin will look better, but it's not just for looking beautiful now. If you begin eating collagen in your thirties, you will look younger in your forties."
Maybe this sounds a little improbable ( "It's news to me," sniffs Lisa Miles of the British Nutrition Foundation. "I've certainly never heard of eating collagen." ) but Okajima believes he is on to something. Figures published last month show that British spending on cosmetic surgery is the highest in Europe, hitting nearly £500 million in 2006, four times more than in 2001.
Isn't there a cheaper solution? Couldn't eating the right foods, in the right way, be a simpler, and ultimately more long-term way to stay looking and feeling younger? "You are what you eat," says nutritional therapist Ian Marber, aka The Food Doctor.
"You can't turn the clock back but you can slow things down. Every cell replicates from RNA and DNA. In order to keep the DNA in good condition, you want to protect cells from harmful free radicals. And for this you need to eat fruit and vegetables, which contain vital anti-oxidants like vitamins A, C, E and zinc. "It doesn't have to be expensive," he adds. "I know people go on about so-called 'superfoods' which have a greater concentration of anti-oxidants, but two apples a day will give you plenty of vitamins and fibre. You just need to ensure a varied diet."
"The key is to remember we're omnivorous," agrees nutritionist Christian Lee, who is the national trainer for the Dr Nicholas Perricone cosmetics and nutrition empire. "Have you ever noticed how women age more rapidly than men? That's because they don't eat enough protein. The days you don't eat protein are the days you age. The body can't store protein, but it needs it for cellular production and function.
"At each meal you should be able to hold up three fingers and say 'I've got a good source of protein (lean fish or poultry, nuts, seeds or tofu); an essential fatty acid ( Omega 3 or 6, so that's coldwater oily fish, flaxseeds, linseeds ) and a low glycaemic carbohydrate ( fruit, vegetables, and whole grains like quinoa, buckwheat and oatmeal )'. If you can say that, you're on the right road."
Perricone, a dermatologist, became America's most famous anti-ageing specialist with his "Three-Day Nutritional Face Lift", which extolled the virtues of eating wild Alaskan salmon twice a day, claiming its essential fatty acids would banish puffiness and tighten the skin. Uma Thurman, Heidi Klum and J-Lo are all fans.
In his new book Ageless Face, Ageless Mind, which has yet to reach the UK, Dr Perricone's team assert that up to 40 per cent of wrinkles are caused by dietary sugar.
"When you eat high glycaemic carbohydrates like bread, cakes and pasta, they turn into sugar in the blood so fast that the pancreas can't respond with enough insulin and the blood becomes saturated with sugar," argues Christian Lee. "The sugar needs to go somewhere so it attaches itself to the cell membranes.
When it does this to collagen molecules in the skin, it causes the collagen to become stiff and immobile and that's the birth of the wrinkle. The bad news is that it doesn't end there - the sugar then pumps out free radicals, causing a double whammy of damage.
The good news is you can prevent it - either by cutting out sugar or by taking a supplement of alpha lipoid acid, which is 400 times stronger than vitamin C and E combined."
So ditch the sugar, but don't forget the pigs' trotters. FOODSTUFFS THAT KEEP YOU YOUNG
Spinach contains the pigment lutein, present in the retina, which helps maintain the health of the eye.
Tomatoes contain the anti-oxidant lycopene, which can protect the skin from UV damage from the sun.
Purple or red berries - such as blueberries, raspberries and strawberries - are full of anthocyanins which can help protect against diabetes, heart disease and cancer, and help maintain strong arteries.
Oily fish, such as fresh water salmon, herring, mackerel and sardines, and also flax seeds and linseeds, are the main source of omega-3 fatty acids, which can delay the ageing process of the skin.
Water: drinking more aids digestion and elimination; drinking too little can harm the complexion.
....AND SOME THAT AGE YOU
Carbonated drinks - along with tea, coffee, sugar, red meat and alcohol - can push the body's balance towards the acidic, meaning that alkaline minerals (such as calcium) are removed from bone stores to balance it, weakening the bones. Restricting them may help you keep stronger bones. Nightshade vegetables - potatoes, tomatoes, chillies, aubergine and peppers - while often healthy in other respects, contain a chemical that studies suggest can activate pain and inflammation associated with arthritis. Avoiding these foods may help reduce it.
Refined carbohydrates - such as white bread, white rice, sugary cereals, pasta and noodles - contribute to the development of type II diabetes, which accelerates the ageing process and, if not controlled, can lead to a wide range of other health problems.
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